tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post1390254810527964298..comments2023-09-15T07:03:07.671-05:00Comments on Hamilton Family Circus: Real Problems Require Real SolutionsHeatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01879753863902363299noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-60425849138166949182007-10-24T15:07:00.000-05:002007-10-24T15:07:00.000-05:00I don't know how much you pay for day care and you...I don't know how much you pay for day care and your cleaning person, so this is just an idea. You could think about hiring a nanny instead of sending Zack to daycare. Most nannies do some cleaning, especially if the child is sleeping. It might also be possible for her to have supper ready for you by the time you get home. This would allow you to leave later for work and get home earlier, not to mention if Zack is sick, you wouldn't have to stay home, because there are no other children to infect. Just a thought.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-80553482400195666172007-10-24T07:17:00.000-05:002007-10-24T07:17:00.000-05:00The "divorce" suggestion was a joke people! I late...The "divorce" suggestion was a joke people! I later emailed Heather saying I was kidding but I see that part didn't make it to the comment.<BR/>I made several suggestions and Heather said..."I NEED something DRASTIC" to which I replied....divorce ha ha. <BR/>However I do think it is selfish, disrespectful and lazy but you said I couldn't say those things that I could only make suggestions.<BR/>I think that same way when it is my husband and I as well. Not just Jake...although his not wanting to help seems a little more frequent.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-31632445495034329392007-10-24T00:00:00.000-05:002007-10-24T00:00:00.000-05:00Nix on the passive-aggressive approach. I tried th...Nix on the passive-aggressive approach. I tried that, and we both ended up resenting each other. Maybe just a frank conversation, using Jessica's idea, but telling him outright what you are doing. If he is truly in a "teenager" stage, he needs an explicit explanation of what you want/need and what you are going to do to make your point a little clearer to him (make it hit closer to home, so to speak). Obviously, this conversation would best occur during a time when you feel you can keep your emotions in check, and you can just be really matter of fact about it so he doesn't react to your emotions but can really focus on your words. Good luck!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-80526772355779910192007-10-23T15:49:00.000-05:002007-10-23T15:49:00.000-05:00Try showing him this post, edited if necessary but...Try showing him this post, edited if necessary but keep in the points you make. Do it when you're both fresh, not at the end of the day or after a tough time with Zack. Maybe even make a "date" to do it, so there are as few distractions as possible, and Jake is more focused on you and him. Try not to make it about who does what, but more about how you would be happier if you felt like he helped with these things.<BR/><BR/>After this, any time you are aware of his efforts to address these concerns, let him know. You don't have to jump his bones, just give him a smile and a thanks.<BR/><BR/>I disagree with what I see as a passive-aggressive approach of just not doing for him. That will only cause more animosity.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-166313526641368542007-10-23T15:38:00.000-05:002007-10-23T15:38:00.000-05:00I'm a little embarassed to say this, but at my hou...I'm a little embarassed to say this, but at my house, I'm the one who doesn't really notice the mess. My husband cleans more than I do. We're both extremely tired and we both want to spend time with our son. I don't know if anything my husband has done has helped. If he doesn't do things, they don't get done. If he nags me, I'm angry and sad on top of nothing getting done. The way I see it spending time with my family means more to me than my house. To him they are intertwined. I do laundry and I cook. But I don't do the other things unless they are really bothering me. Getting a cleaning service has helped a little bit, but we can only afford for them to come once a month. With 2 cats and a preschooler, we really need them to come every 2 weeks. <BR/><BR/>What has helped, a little, is that during the week my husband will start talking about needing to do things, without saying that I have to do it. Then we talk about how it could be done over the weekend. Then when the weekend comes, it's already in both of our minds that it's time to do whatever big chore we had been talking about. I need time to prepare myself mentally to do some major cleaning. I don't feel that this helped, but just know that you are not alone. My husband feels about me the way you feel about Jake in regards to house work.lonnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03727748724600871714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-45312580252291320272007-10-23T14:31:00.000-05:002007-10-23T14:31:00.000-05:00Someone e-mailed me and mentioned divorce. Is tha...Someone e-mailed me and mentioned divorce. Is that really the only solution? To leave him, over HOUSEWORK?? It's JUST housework.<BR/><BR/>Although you deep thinkers might suggest that perhaps it means that he doesn't respect me or he doesn't care about me but I'm not sure that I can jump to that place right now.<BR/><BR/>Perhaps after a few more months of pulling my hair out... then I may go there!! :-)Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01879753863902363299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-22737228325179167312007-10-23T14:05:00.000-05:002007-10-23T14:05:00.000-05:00I can try it. At this point I'm willing to try ju...I can try it. At this point I'm willing to try just about ANYTHING. But... I've tried not doing anything for him before and not really had much success. I've tried getting up early and cleaning, staying up late and cleaning he just goes to bed without me or he tells me to come to bed and then gets pissy when I don't.Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01879753863902363299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-12400250158548606852007-10-23T13:52:00.000-05:002007-10-23T13:52:00.000-05:00Jessica beat me to it. I agree you try doing noth...Jessica beat me to it. I agree you try doing nothing and see what happens. He'll have to do something(I hope!!)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-90425645246348522452007-10-23T13:44:00.000-05:002007-10-23T13:44:00.000-05:00I would say you could quit doing it all together b...I would say you could quit doing it all together but I have seen what happens when you do that NOTHING get’s done. <BR/><BR/>So….what if you cleaned the house and busted your ass to keep it cleaner than normal only don’t do anything for him specifically. For example: Don’t do his laundry, don’t wash his dishes, don’t pick up his stuff laying around the house, don’t buy his deodorant, don’t do anything for him. I wonder if he sees you constantly doing stuff around the house if it will make him feel guilty. You could always add a little withholding of recreational activities because you are TOOOOO tired. Normally I don’t think that is healthy but it may prove the point that you are too tired because you have to do EVERYTHING by yourself. I think this is only going to work if you literally bust your butt to keep the house immaculate: clean the office out do obvious things that he will notice. In addition you could not do anything outside the house either. So when he wants to go to dinner you could say I can’t I have laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc to do. The idea is not to ask him for help, don’t say anything about all you do just do it and do it for a couple weeks every night every day etc. <BR/><BR/>Next thought….Maybe you could get a couple of the guys to come over and clean the house when you know Jake is going to be there. Maybe if Matt and Shane knew what was happening they would help you do this. Maybe on Saturday mornings or one household chore a night they could come over and do. Something small that won’t take up their nights or weekends but enough to make Jake feel uncomfortable that there is another man in his house doing things that he is more than capable of doing. <BR/><BR/>Okay…I just asked one of my co-workers who is a man. He is very much like Shane as far as does just as much around the house as I do but he said the same think I did. Try not doing anything for him specifically, he even said withhold the extra curricular activities. I never told him my thoughts he said this all blind to what I had written. So maybe between both these ideas you can find something that will work.Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01291377007084535060noreply@blogger.com