tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post2977639157784512096..comments2023-09-15T07:03:07.671-05:00Comments on Hamilton Family Circus: Sense of LossHeatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01879753863902363299noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-11560805451409301742008-01-16T10:02:00.001-06:002008-01-16T10:02:00.001-06:00PS: I did not mean to imply Keith does not love hi...PS: I did not mean to imply Keith does not love his grandson...I know he does. It is my opinion...I think there is going to come a day when Keith will have to swallow his own hurt and pain for his grandson's happiness. I hope by the time Zack is old enough this is water under the bridge. <BR/>I know where Keith is coming from...I was there...I saw their divorce and the pain on both sides. However, they made children and their children made children which means they will forever be co parents and co grandparents. <BR/>Somewhere, somehow, sometime...this will have to subside for the sake of their children and grandchildren.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-40975972870680651792008-01-16T10:02:00.000-06:002008-01-16T10:02:00.000-06:00#1) I would NEVER, EVER tell my son that Papa was...#1) I would NEVER, EVER tell my son that Papa wasn't there because he doesn't love him. That point is NOT in question. Keith loves his children and his grandchildren very much. I just think that he needs to understand that he's hurting them by making these decisions to not be there at their events. All I was saying was that Zack will not know why Keith was not there, just that he wasn't and it will be our job to try to explain that it's NOT because he doesn't love him but because he made a choice to not be there. (An explination that I don't even think we should have to make.)<BR/><BR/>#2) I had the SAME discussion with Julie that Jake had with Keith. When I talked to her last on Saturday she was under the impression that Keith would be there (because that's what we were told) and she came anyway. Knowing there would be Keith's new family and then just her. So, YES... if the situation would have been reversed we would still be having this discussion.<BR/><BR/>#3) This party was HUGE!! It was made clear to all person's involved that I was only doing ONE because it was so much work. There is no reason Keith couldn't have come and been on the other side of the room and not even spoken to or looked at Julie. In the future there might be two parties because they will be smaller and it will be harder to avoid them being close to one another. However, if Zack has a school concert there is only going to be one. Is Keith going to miss all of those too?<BR/><BR/>4)Finally, I think discussion on this topic has been WONDERFUL and you all have been very grown up and civil. However, I think it's gone far enough and now it's time to move on. If you have further questions or want to e-mail me feel free. The link is over on the right.Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01879753863902363299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-46187250775631290132008-01-16T09:59:00.000-06:002008-01-16T09:59:00.000-06:00I can't speak for Heather but I can go out on a li...I can't speak for Heather but I can go out on a limb and say I think the feelings would be equally as hurt if Julie had not shown and Keith did. <BR/>It is about Zack and about family that is why it hurts when family didn't come.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-3384358898181447742008-01-16T09:45:00.000-06:002008-01-16T09:45:00.000-06:00Just a question... Jessica is right, some of us ar...Just a question... Jessica is right, some of us are outsiders and don't know the entire background of the situation. If Keith would've been the one who showed up and Julie didn't, or if Keith showed up without Karen or vise versa, would we still be having this discussion?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-86888193257723460722008-01-16T08:58:00.000-06:002008-01-16T08:58:00.000-06:00I just want to point out that Keith's reasonings f...I just want to point out that Keith's reasonings for not coming had nothing to do with his love for his grandson. Anyone who knows him knows he loves Zach more then anything. <BR/><BR/>Zach will remember and believe what he is told about that day. If he is told that "Papa didn't come because he doesn't love you", then he will believe that. But if he is told "Papa didn't come because he can't be around your grandma, it's complicated, but that is why we do special things with Papa", then he will believe that.<BR/><BR/>Keith has legitimate reasons to not want to spend time with or be around his ex-wife, and while his ex-wife may feel uncomfortable around him she does not have any reason to not want to be around him. With his recent heart attack he should not be putting himself in situations where he will be upset or under great stress. <BR/>And although I understand why Heather and Jake are upset, I don't feel that Keith made the wrong decision. <BR/><BR/>He realizes that he missed out on a very special day for his grandson, he loves Zach and would have loved to be there, but he removed himself from a situation that would have not only been "uncomfortable", but strenuous on his health.<BR/><BR/>Why can't everyone just focus on the positive...Zach is 1 years old, he's becoming such a wonderful little person and it is so much fun to watch him grow up. He will have special memories with all of the people who are special in his life, and he will grow up knowing that all of those special people love him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-38226540053053091432008-01-16T07:26:00.000-06:002008-01-16T07:26:00.000-06:00I think there are some anonymous people and some "...I think there are some anonymous people and some "outside" people who don't understand.<BR/>Keith knew it was important to Jake and Heather for him to come but he didn't. End of story. Guilt after the fact means nothing unless he uses that guilt to make a change for the future.<BR/>It does not matter what his reasons where or who he was trying to spare this is his grandson people!! You only get one chance.<BR/>Without draggin up to much or getting into to much this is not the first time Keith has "let Jake, Heather and/or Zack down". While that may not have been his intention that is how they ended up feeling. I think this was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak.<BR/>I got to thinking too....seems ironic to me that Julie came anyway, without her boyfriend, not sure if that was an intentional decision or if he just couldn't make it but I think that was a nice move to make as to not stir the waters. Julie knew Keith would probably be there but she came anyway. She knew that if he came he would be there with his wife and her four daughters and their three grandchildren...YET SHE CAME ANYWAY!! Same with the three girls that came, they knew Julie would be there but they came anyway. Because it was not about Keith or Julie or the past or the harbored resentment....it was about ZACK.<BR/><BR/>That is what parents and grandparents do....they love you unconditionally, no matter what or who stands in their way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-83436936878968773422008-01-16T06:58:00.000-06:002008-01-16T06:58:00.000-06:00Has anyone talked to Keith after the party? From H...Has anyone talked to Keith after the party? From Heather's reply it's obvious he knew that it would hurt everyone... but for me, when I'm not doing something I knew I should be doing, I don't feel SO bad for it at the time, but mostly after the fact is when most of the guilt kicks in. <BR/><BR/>It may be a good idea, in a very tactful way, to have dinner or something with Keith and Karen, bring the pictures from the party, and flat out say that you pray that when he's older and looks at those pictures that Zack doesn't realize he wasn't there. Tell them that you're not disappointed at them for yourself, but that if Zack ever does ask, that Keith and Karen will be the ones that will have to explain it to him, not you. Hopefully that will sting enough to make him make an appearance next time?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-76505457945455373982008-01-16T06:54:00.000-06:002008-01-16T06:54:00.000-06:00Anonymous, I'm sorry for the misprint. I would ne...Anonymous, I'm sorry for the misprint. I would never leave his Nana out. I wrote that post in a hurry and I just counted biological grandparents. (Sorry if it offended.)<BR/><BR/>As for talking to Keith. He KNOWS it was important to us. Jake talked to him TWICE before the party and told him how important it was that he come. How much we wanted him there and how much it wasn't about him but about helping Zack celebrate.<BR/><BR/>He promised Jake he would make an appearance and then didn't call or talk to either of us when he changed his mind. Just didn't show up.<BR/><BR/>I think that's where some of the hurt comes from.Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01879753863902363299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-79675279169157660062008-01-15T18:02:00.000-06:002008-01-15T18:02:00.000-06:00As an outsider, I don't think you can be too hard ...As an outsider, I don't think you can be too hard on Keith for his reason's for not attending. I'm sure he thought it would just be better for all involved to spare the tension of being there with an ex, especially since it seems like all feelings from the divorce are not resolved. Where matters of family feuds are involved, sometimes it is better for all for someone to just remove themselves from the situation. I echo OMH, that at the age of 1 Zack is not going to know Papa wasn't there unless you point it out... <BR/><BR/>As time goes by and old wounds are healed I'm sure he'll come around and start coming to more things.<BR/>If you really are THIS HURT by it, you should let Keith & Karen know how you feel. I'm sure they have no idea it was this important to you or they probably would have sucked it up and made an effort to at least come for a little while.<BR/><BR/>Heather - You might also want to check your perspective on it. You state that you want Zack to have 4 grandparents in the crowd. Shouldn't it really be 5?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-77299762276211521192008-01-15T17:24:00.000-06:002008-01-15T17:24:00.000-06:00Pretty Much...I think that my dad made a silly cho...Pretty Much...I think that my dad made a silly choice on not going to Zack's party! My mom was going either way...if he was there or not! She told me you only have so many grandchildren and to make memories with each and everyone of them! I had two parties for Jackson's first birthday...one for my mom's side and then one at dad's house! I will never do it again! Too much work along with being pregnant! If we are ever home for one of the boy's birthday's we will have ONE party and if you come GREAT and if not then it is your lose!! I think it was uncomfortable for some people that were there but the day wasn't about them and they got over it and enjoyed watching Zack eat his cake and open presents! I appreciate all the "girls" that went and the Hamilton family that went, along with my mom! There was no fights, just happieness! And Zack deserves to have one hell of a FIRST birthday party!! I wish we could have been there! Anyway...maybe dad will come around sometime soon to the idea of celebrating with everyone (including mom) and will enjoy his family! Until then he will have to come to terms with it all and join in the fun!<BR/><BR/>(please to anyone that reads this and feels like passing it on...I am not bashing anyone. I feel like everyone has to make choices in life and sometimes we don't make the right ones! Maybe dad just isn't over the grieving of the bitter divorce yet)<BR/><BR/>And to Jess! You know I love you and my boyfriend Shane! You gave me a lot to think about! I have some soul searching I have to do and find me some balls...because I apparently don't have any...WEIRD, I know! But once I do I will speak my mind to the right people and listen to any constructive critism with OPEN ARMS! Thanks again and We love you guys!<BR/><BR/>Anywho...LOVE TO ALL...Kisses to MY Zack and slaps on the TUSH to Heather and JAKEY POOH! Muah!<BR/>MollyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-14714082089598164872008-01-15T12:53:00.000-06:002008-01-15T12:53:00.000-06:00Keith did not attend the party because he said it ...Keith did not attend the party because he said it would be uncomfortable for him to be there with his ex-wife.<BR/><BR/>That's the part that is most upsetting to me. He was worried about himself and not focused on the point of the day which was Zack's birthday... NOT him.<BR/><BR/>I'm sure it made Julie uncomfortable to be there knowing he might show up but she was there anyway.<BR/><BR/>OMH is right, we will try to make new memories with Keith and hopefully he will realize that he is the one missing out. :-)Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01879753863902363299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-42683880285693503742008-01-15T10:34:00.000-06:002008-01-15T10:34:00.000-06:00It is my understanding...Keith did not attend beca...It is my understanding...Keith did not attend because he thought it would be awkward with Julie (his ex-wife) there. <BR/>I assume Karen didn't go because Keith didn't go.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-74924144405018240502008-01-15T08:52:00.000-06:002008-01-15T08:52:00.000-06:00This may be a rhetorical question, but does anyone...This may be a rhetorical question, but does anyone know why keith and karen didn't come? is there possibly a good explanation for it?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-91819230001430847212008-01-15T08:47:00.000-06:002008-01-15T08:47:00.000-06:00I think that is a great suggestion OMH! In this ca...I think that is a great suggestion OMH! In this case I don't think Heather and Jake should have to go out of their way to have parties for each person who has a conflicting issue. Eventually if this behavior continues Zack will notice it on his own especially when Grandpa lives so close. <BR/><BR/>If you ask me the total package is unacceptable as an adults behavior let alone a grandparent. <BR/><BR/>Kudos to Julie and three of Karen's girls for going, helping, and being excellent attendee's!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-87444311609432900582008-01-15T08:13:00.000-06:002008-01-15T08:13:00.000-06:00WOW - so many thoughts are going through my head r...WOW - so many thoughts are going through my head right now. I can empathize with each person as I read through this story. I just wanted to remind you the Zack won't be hurt by what he doesn't know, unless someone points out that "Grandpa" isn't at any of your parties. Instead of allowing it to hurt maybe make a point of having Grandpa and his new family come over for just a small get together to celebrate the birthday or meet at a restaraunt and build good memories for Zack. I do not know all the details - but I do know that when Zack is looking at pictures of his first birthday when he's older if he thinks Grandpa wasn't there it would be great for the memory or pictures of "Oh yeah we did this with him instead" to immediately pop into his head also.<BR/><BR/>Nothing like more "unsolicited advice" right......OMHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09316600458810320044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-48376237516091041172008-01-15T07:53:00.000-06:002008-01-15T07:53:00.000-06:00I wonder if this is how Keith would like your pare...I wonder if this is how Keith would like your parents Heather to treat Jake. God knows Jake has done enough to constitute some less than desireable behavior....Yet they love you enough as their daughter to attend funtions with or without Jake. <BR/><BR/>It doesn't matter who or what stand in the way....when you love your children you help them and support them regardless.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-71663769349256423262008-01-15T07:51:00.000-06:002008-01-15T07:51:00.000-06:00Karen wasn’t there on Sunday was she? Why doesn’t ...Karen wasn’t there on Sunday was she? Why doesn’t she come with or without Keith? Maybe eventually when everyone else is going to “his” family functions because they love and support them he will quit being such a butthead (I use that word light heartedly) and start going himself!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-32991388615289134912008-01-14T21:10:00.000-06:002008-01-14T21:10:00.000-06:00Ok, I as well, am an innocent bystander. I don't k...Ok, I as well, am an innocent bystander. I don't know any of you! My only thoughts with this, and please know that I don't intend to be mean... are that with all the children, half children, whatever you want to call them... with all of you fighting, do you think this is what keith wants? Do you think that maybe part of the reason that he is distant to some is that he regrets the tension between the 2 families? And with his health (and i'm assuming he's the same one with the heart surgery) I think it would be good for all of the family to forgive and forget. Like everyone, my family had tension. While the kids fight, the parents try not to pick sides, so they get distant and let us work it all out. But no matter how drastic it is... when the family learns to love and live, and forgive and forget, it's possible the entire family will find a lot more peace!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com