tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post845063678436994738..comments2023-09-15T07:03:07.671-05:00Comments on Hamilton Family Circus: HauntedHeatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01879753863902363299noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-33779082759340067952008-01-12T16:06:00.000-06:002008-01-12T16:06:00.000-06:00In time, some of these feelings will fade. You wi...In time, some of these feelings will fade. You will never forget, but hopefully they will no longer haunt you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-19826762949272941752008-01-10T12:11:00.000-06:002008-01-10T12:11:00.000-06:00It's so hard recovering from the aftermath of some...It's so hard recovering from the aftermath of someone's addictions. I can barely look at the pictures of my own wedding without seething with anger at my mother, who had showed up bombed beyond belief.<BR/><BR/>You're doing a great job with working through this stuff. It's hard and I know it.Aunt Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12146687582842259611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-47329682998556392782008-01-10T10:29:00.000-06:002008-01-10T10:29:00.000-06:00Okay – I have really been thinking about the post ...Okay – I have really been thinking about the post on your blog. Might I make a couple suggestions and a few comments for thought.<BR/><BR/>In the moment: What is the pay off you are getting for thinking of this while being intimate with your husband? If you don’t know, can’t find an answer, or insist there is not pay off … try turning some music on or the television. Obviously it’s not going to be meaning full mind blowing s#x for a while with Deal or No Deal blaring in the background but it will keep your mind from wandering to unknown places. Do this until you find yourself tuning the TV out more and more and focusing on him. Another VERY important thing is for Jake to show you affection every day, out side of the bedroom, and NOT expect something in return. THAT IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT!! <BR/><BR/>What was said above is right….replace bad night driving memories with good ones. Christmas would have been perfect for this because you could have driven around and looked at Christmas lights etc. But you can still do it. Replace that horrible memory of that hotel with a good one. I didn’t say it was easy and it may hurt like hell but every time you do this it will get better … trust me! What would happen if you walked into a hotel room filled with rose petals and massage oil, not knowing where you were only to find out the next day it was that hotel? I don’t know that I am recommending that but it is just a hotel and she was just a girl … yes Heather that is ALL she was … a girl. There were no feelings, there was no meaning, if you are going to forgive him and move on you need to forgive all of him and move on whole heartedly.<BR/><BR/>Honestly I think you want all the reward of moving on without putting forth 100% of the effort; rolling up your sleeves and getting down and dirty. All the time!! Not just when it is easy for you or easy for him. Kind of like wanting a clean house but not wanting to clean it yourself – things we are all guilty of. The difference is some of us do it because we know it needs to be done, do we like it absolutely not but we do it anyways. <BR/><BR/>Good luck…I think you have come leaps and bounds!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-8677959588971188102008-01-10T09:25:00.000-06:002008-01-10T09:25:00.000-06:00My psychology past screams 'go see a psychologist'...My psychology past screams 'go see a psychologist'! It doesn't even have to by a psychiatrist... just someone to help you sort out your thoughts and feelings. As I read your blog only 1 other thing came to mind--<BR/><BR/>Sometimes its had to move on without knowing the full extent of what you're moving on FROM. What could be truly haunting you is the urge to find out what all did go on. Some of that Jake may not even be able to answer, but that could be your subconscious. I'm gonna be blunt, the woman in the hotel room. Wasn't she... paid? Or at least paid with drugs? I didn't go back to read but that's how my mind is remembering it. Obviously there was no love for this woman involved, but if your mind needs a reminder of that, ASK! BUT... the one thing you need to be really careful about is this... IT'S THE PAST! IF JAKE EVER TELLS YOU MORE ABOUT IT, HE HAS ALREADY SUFFERED, HE IS ALREADY PAYING FOR THIS, AND ALREDY OVERCOMING THIS! Do NOT criticize him or try to punish him (and no I don't mean don't stick him in the corner, but don't let your self conscience punish him by giving him a silent treatment or getting upset and leaving the room...) Sex is the most intimate thing a man and woman experience together. Not only physically, but mentally as well. Of course the love has to be there, but you also have to let your entire mind and body be there as well. If that means you and Jake have the dreaded 'so in that hotel room' conversation, that may be what is necessary. When you're driving home at night, does your mind flash to 'I remember that one specific night when I searched for 1 hour for him and called him 13 times...' or does it turn to 'I remember looking for him and never finding him... I wonder where he was that night...' <BR/><BR/>Ok I'm a rambling fool, but seriously Heather, those are questions only you can answer. If you don't face your demons, they could go away, but they could just haunt you further. There's nothing wrong with seeing someone, and I think a psychologist would probably be your best bet.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-40384559052870228262008-01-10T08:36:00.000-06:002008-01-10T08:36:00.000-06:00I think that is a great idea Jess, You need to pla...I think that is a great idea Jess, You need to plan something wonderful to do in the dark- driving around. <BR/><BR/>As for the other problem. I am sorry-- that you had to go through it all -- however you ARE a better person because of it. And so is Jake. <BR/><BR/>I would not be able to get over what you are trying to hurdle- You are doing it with amazing grace and honesty. <BR/><BR/>Keep on keepin' on.Bird's Eye View Photographyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08813489889625737678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13638626.post-1118791580178925862008-01-10T07:28:00.000-06:002008-01-10T07:28:00.000-06:00All of that WILL pass...It takes time and lots of ...All of that WILL pass...It takes time and lots of effort. Try every day!<BR/>There are things you can do to de-sensitize yourself. Replace bad memories with good one. I am not saying it will be easy because it won't be but in the end it will be worth it!Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01291377007084535060noreply@blogger.com