Ovulation... more fun than a stick in the eye...

I'll admit, never in my wildest dreams (well maybe there, but no where else) did I think that ovulation could be SOO freaking painful. You always see those people on the movies who get a strange look on their face and then say, oh... I think I just ovulated. Those people should all be drug out behind the building and tortured.

I'm not sure if it's because I'm on Clomid, or because I have not ovulated in awhile but this is not something I am looking forward to repeating in the near future. (read: that damn egg better fertilize this month) It started out innocently enough on Sunday afternoon. It was day 16 and I was beginning to wonder if I would ovulate at all this month. Then the cramping started. It was mild enough at first. Uncomfortable, but I was at home and so I could just lay still and be relatively comfortable.

I went to bed Sunday night thinking that was unpleasant, but not horrible. Little did I know that the best was still yet to come. It was as if my ovaries had formed a protest group. You want us to ovulate huh? How's THIS for ovulation?? When I woke up on Monday morning, I was less than excited to still feel the cramping. As I got out of bed and began to move about it continued to get worse.

It was like really bad menstrual cramps, nothing like when I've had my infections... at least not early in the day. By noon I was somewhat concerned. I was having visions of baseball sized cysts rupturing and me slowly bleeding to death while sitting at my desk. Why didn't she go to the hospital? Well, it's tax season... she just worked until she fell out of her chair. I can see the obituary all ready.

So, I decided maybe I should call the doctor. The nurse seemed concerned, not oh my god you need to leave work right away and come here concerned, more like how about you come see the doctor at 1:00 tomorrow concerned. That made me feel a little better, emotionally certainly not physically. However, as the day continued I was wishing for someone to come and just put me out of my misery. If I leaned WAY back in my chair I got little relief, but that is not entirely practical for working on the computer. So, I tried unbuttoning my pants. That seemed to give me a little relief, until I realized that I could not just sit in my chair all afternoon and I looked a little ridiculous trying to discretely button my pants every time I stood up.

I finally got out of work about 7:00 and all I remember saying to my friend Danette was I'm sorry, I'm not coming over tonight, I'm going to go home and hope I die I don't die. My only relief came when I got home and finally laid down. As long as I was lying flat on my back so none of my internal organs were touching my ovaries they seemed to behave themselves. Apparently they are slightly claustrophobic. (Funny... I didn't get the memo.)

All night if I rolled over to my side there would be pain but if I stayed on my back or stomach, all better. People... I am a side sleeper, to say that it was a tough night was an understatement. Everytime I would wake up I was running through senarios in my head of how I could explain to my boss that I could not come to work in the morning. Finally about 6:00 I noticed that the pain had subsided GREATLY. (read: I no longer wanted to gouge my ovaries out with a dull rusty spoon)

When I called the doctors office at 9:00 to ask if they still wanted me to come in since I was no longer in pain the nurse just giggled. Well, I don't think you have a cyst, so you must have just ovulated. Congratulations. Why is it you only get congratulations after something horribly grueling? (i.e. giving birth, running a marathon, passing a huge test) Just once I want to have someone say congratulations you got up off the couch!!

Now let us hope we never have to do that again!!

Finished... well almost...

The shower, it is done... well almost. The main part is done anyhow.

This is how it looked last week when all of the tiles fell off in the middle of the night....

This is what I came home to on Friday after work, there was no turning back then. Besides, most of that wood was rotten anyway.

This is where we were on Saturday. They ran out of adhesive on Friday night so we had to wait until Saturday to put the two corner pieces on.

And finally... this is what it looks like all finished. Okay... almost finished...

We have yet to put the faucet back on and as you can tell, Sylvester is less than thrilled about this. I just love the expression of "What the hell is this shit? Where is my faucet?"

In the end, it didn't stop him from drinking out of the pipe, although he let me know he was less than thrilled about it!!

The Dungeon

Well, I did it... I broke down and showered in the dungeon. That is the name we have affectionately given to the "bathroom" (and I use that term loosely) in our basement. Ya know what... it wasn't that bad. It was sort of like showering at camp. Not that I would want to do that on a regular basis, but in emergencies such as this desperate times call for desperate measures.



















Now if you breath a word of that to my husband I will hunt you down and torture you immensely. He is still fixing the upstairs bathroom, in fact all that is left is to caulk the seams, and then I will post pictures. So... as far as he knows it was a horrible awful experience that I only did under extreme duress.... k?

Procrastination

I took a shower in the basement tonight. You know it's not all that bad.

You're fixing the shower!

I know, I was planning on it. I'm just saying.......

Surprising News

Coworker: Well my wife just called and she peed in a cup and it turned the right color. I think I'm going to be a dad again.

Me: congratulations. That's really exciting!!

Coworker: Yeah, we calculated the due date and it falls on her parents anniversary. All I can say is at least it's not during tax season...

Running through my head... what the hell are they going to say about me? Ooops... don't care.....

__________________________________________________________

Coworker: So, I think I'm going to have another baby, we are going to the doctor at 10:00 to have it confirmed

Partner: Well that is good news, although it will cut into your year end planning... (smile on face, somewhat joking)

Coworker: Yeah, but at least it's not during tax season

Partner: My son was born on March 12th. I only got one day off and when I got in I found one of those vet wheels that tell you the due date of different animals hanging from my door... (laughing....)

Running through my head... oh shit... maybe this due during tax season won't go over as well as I though. Nope... still don't care.....
_________________________________________________________

I think I've successfully made it past feeling guilty about this. What do you think?

Shower Issues

We live in a 100 year old farm house. My grandparents lived there for 30 years, so despite the fact that several things have been slowly falling apart on us, there is sort of a sentimental attachment that we have no desire to let go of just yet.

When the house was built in 1898 it had no electricity and no indoor plumbing. Consequently, these things have been slowly added, as well as can be expected. We have outlets in the middle of our walls instead of on the baseboards because when they were running the wires down the wall if they ran into a stud (our house was built out of outbuildings, other long story....) and could feed the wire down no further they would just place the outlet there.

Are bathroom was it's own little addition to our house. If you stand next to our house you can clearly see that it was a square box and then there is this little addition which contains our back porch and our bathroom.

(Imagine picture of house that I can't get blogger to load right now......)

Now, when the bathroom was designed it contained a bathtub and a toilet. It was probably put in in the 40's or 50's and so showers just weren't the big thing. Sometime in the 70's or 80's there was a cement shower put into the basement. It contained creepy crawly bug like creatures and I refused to use it. So, Jake had the brilliant idea that we were going to redo the downstairs shower. He tore it all apart, started to rebuild and got sidetracked, so there it still sits, in non-workable order. (Another rant for another day.)

So, when we moved in having one shower torn apart, and only a bathtub upstairs we decided we needed a "temporary fix." Jake and his dad cut a hole in the wall above our bathtub and converted it into a shower. Four years later, this temporary fix is still the only working shower in our house. So, imagine my dismay when I came downstairs on Tuesday to find this...



I think now is the time to discuss some more permanent options....

Happy Spring!!

What's that? It doesn't look like spring? Yeah, I wondered that too this morning when I woke up to 3-5 inches of snow. So I consulted my calendar and it clearly states that it is, in fact, spring. Maybe someone needs to buy Mother Nature a new calendar!!

Breakfast Time

This is the scene every morning at our house. As you can see, I starve the poor creatures, so the minute the food hits the dish they must scarf down as much as they can before there is no more food. I do have to admit though, they have been on a bit of a diet lately. Sadie has been helping them loose weight by finishing off their food when she is home alone with Jake at night. (He doesn't watch her very closely and she's sneaky.)

Menopause?

No, just the side effects of the Clomid. I think maybe I should have paid more attention to the informational literature. On Friday I finished my 5th and final dose of 100mg Clomid. The repercussions of this have been really fun, let me tell you.

It started of course with the emotions. I’m not having mood swings, per say, I’m just really emotional. I cry at the drop of a hat. I watched Princess Diaries 2 and he told her he loved her, I cried. I watched Father of the Bride and they had a baby, I cried. I hear a song with good lyrics, I cry. Are you getting the point? It is just one more step until I am standing in the grocery store weeping because the tomatoes are just SOO beautiful….

On top of the crying has been the hot flashes. I am someone who is continually cold. I always tell people Jake could be hot in an igloo and I could be cold in the dessert. However with the added help of the Clomid not only am I cold, but I have these random flashes where I just want to rip my clothing off and run outside. (Not all that practical for a work situation) So about three or four times per day I will have to shut off my heater and step away from my desk so as to avoid sweating profusely and passing out. (If I pass out can I go home? Maybe I should re-think the stepping away thing……)

I also have hideous acne. I have had it since I went off of birth control, but it has just continually gotten worse since going on the Clomid. For some reason almost all of the acne has planted it’s self under my chin and on my neck. When I was in high school and I had acne it was never in those places, now that’s where it seems to have taken up residency. Let’s just say turtle-necks have become my clothing of choice. Do you think it would look funny if I was wearing a turtle neck in July??

This weekend I got another new side effect to add to my list. Nose bleeds. Now there is a fun one. Especially when you have a cold. I can’t not blow my nose, but I never know what to expect when I do. So now, I have to go to the bathroom to blow my nose, just in case it starts to bleed. At least I’m getting some exercise, what with all the walking because of hot flashes and walking to blow my nose. (I’m trying to put a positive spin on things.)

I think the worst part about most of these things is that there are only two or three people here at work who know that we are trying to have a baby, and more importantly that I have to take these awful hormones to attempt to get there. To everyone else I’m just the poor girl with the late onset of adult acne who seems to wander aimlessly through the office two or three times a day. They must be just shaking their heads thinking I have finally gone crazy.

Ha-Ha, joke’s on them. I was already there.

Blast from the Past

31 days (not counting today) until I am officially free and done with tax season. Bare with me here people will you? Anyhow, since Jake decided to share his germs with me (we need to talk about his sharing of things I do NOT want) I thought I would share something that makes me smile over and over while I feel so crummy. When my children are 18 and tell me they are in love, I think I will have to think twice before I use the "you're so young, you don't know what love is yet" line on them.

This is an e-mail (the only e-mail I've ever gotten from him) that I wrote to Jake and he wrote back to me the week I started college.

Wednesday, August 26, 1998

Here I am: and I miss you

Jake,

Well, here I am. I miss you already and you've only been gone thirty five minutes. Christy isn't back yet so I'm alone. I have a feeling that I may be alone a lot this year. Sweety, I really am scared. I miss you and my room and my animals and just the feeling of safty I got when i was at home.

I hope everything here goes well. I'm not looking forward to an eight o'clock class. Nor am I to being back at school. Do you miss me yet? How is school? Completely boring. Well, I'll write later.

Love you lots and lots and lots!!!!
Heather

His reply:

hey baby I finally got to use the internet they have stupid new rules for the computers this year no email or chating during school.ha ha I don't start until 11:15 so I can write you .I have missed you alot it seems like some thing is missing in my life ever since you left. But I will get over it so what do you whant to do this weekend there is a big concert cumming up it is called budda feast i will see when it is I think I am going to go. I will call you tonight figure out something fun to do for this weekend.Well I got to go babe I love you lots wbslove jake

Yes... it was written in one long run on paragraph.. at the bottom of my e-mail making me think at first that he just hit reply and didn't type anything... but that is why it makes me smile so much. Even after all we've been through the good and the bad, I still come back to this e-mail when we were young and innocent and I smile.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Unwanted Comments

Today I went to get my hair cut, because who doesn't feel better after a good hair cut? (I know... mid afternoon during tax season... what can I say, I'm just adventurous like that) As I was sitting in the chair my hairdresser and I were chit chatting. I was getting her caught up on the struggles we are having and I mentioned that I had just started my second round of Clomid.

From across the room I hear, "I was on Clomid.... but I don't have any babies."

Um... yeah... could have gone the rest of my day without that comment, thanks...

Random Observations

Yesterday in the rain I ventured out of my house to run to work. I had to retrieve a form that Jake's friend had to sign to get his tax return filed. The kid has 2 W-2's and I've been chasing him around for 4 weeks to get him to sign this damn form. Last year I think he paid H&R block $200 to do his return. Who pays that much for a return consisting of 2 W-2's?? Al, I love you, but I think you got bent over on that deal!!

Anyhow, at some point I asked him whether he would like to direct deposit his refund, to which he replied, "I don't have a bank account." How in the world does one live without a bank account? How do you pay bills?? Cash and money order I suppose. However, there can't be anything too convenient about that. I suppose that is why he has not saved any money. If I was carrying around all the money I had in my pocket I think I would be more likely to spend it too.

After I quickly snuck into work, (I say snuck for two reasons. Number one if anyone saw me they might ask me to do something and I was not there to work and number two it was early and I had thrown on the same outfit from the day before so I didn't need anyone noticing that. Although I work with a bunch of guys so they probably would have no idea that it was the same outfit... but I digress...) I decided to make a quick stop at Wal-mart. Yes, I was somewhat grungy but it's Wal-mart. Who isn't somewhat grungy in that place? Now don't get me wrong, I love Wal-mart. I buy EVERYTHING there, but it's not exactly a place where one cares how they look. Now if I'm going across the street to Target, I better shower and take of my sweats....

Digressing again, had a point... I promise. While in Wal-mart picking up garbage bags (yes Danette, I have been out of garbage bags for a week... it's a good thing we don't throw THAT much away...) I decided to stop by the CD section. When I'm depressed I do a combination of two destructive things. Number one I eat (it was only 8 chewy chips ahoy cookies for breakfast) and I shop. Not like clothes shopping, that would make me more depressed. I shop for meaningless Wal-mart type crap. Yesterday I bought 4 CD's. Last time it was $300 worth of DVD's... I'm improving!!

When I got to the car I decided to open these CD's. Silly me.. it requires some sub-human skills to open a CD. Like a DVD getting the plastic wrapping off is easy. It's those crappy sticker things that cover every open crack that really get you. Sometimes they peal off easily. Other times they leave a sticky residue so your CD sticks to every surface you set it on. I am now carrying with me bits and pieces of my house everywhere I go.

What is the point of the stickers that close off every opening of the CD?? Do they think that someone who wants to steal a CD going to go to the trouble of taking off that crappy plastic shrink wrap and then say damn... foiled by the stickers?? I understand that they provide a way to know if the CD has been opened, but only to a certain extent. If a person is really trying to return a CD case without the CD or some such nonsense... don't you think that they would only pull off one side of the sticker... open the case and then replace the stickers??

This morning, silly me, I decided I wanted to listen to a different CD on my way to work. Imagine me, trying to drive and get into the packaging of the CD. All I can say is I'm sorry to all of the other drivers who thought I was drunk as I was weaving in my lane trying to drive with my knee and cussing the packaging.

CD Packing Designer people... you are not my friends this morning!!

Roller Coaster Ride

So, I have officially been struggling with infertility for one cycle now. I know, it does't seem like a lot, when you consider all of the people that have been through SOO much more than me, but for me this month has been rough. Personally, after just one month I have NO idea how anyone continues to do this month after month. I have already have gained so much admiration for people like Julie, Cecily, Kim, Beth, Amy, Great Good Fortune, Julia, Life's Jest, Me Time, Ornery, Erin, Tertia, and Karen. The courage that they have had just amazes me. I already feel like giving up and it is only the first month.

This month has been a complete roller coaster of emotions. If you look at my chart my moods have pretty much followed my BBT's. (For those of you who are not familiar here's a site that might explain what I'm talking about.) For most of the first 25 days it was an up and down ride. One minute I would be optimistic and then the next I would be really depressed. Then on day 25 this happened...

Yes folks, it appears that I ovulated, all on my own. Maybe my ovaries didn't get the message that they were supposed to be doing this a week or so earlier. So, needless to say, when my temperature went up, so did my mood. I spent the next two weeks hoping against hope that maybe this would me "my month." Today that hope ended...

For those of you who have never been through this, let me just share a little bit about what this first month has taught me.

No matter how much you beg, plead, swear to be a good person, promise to never do such and such again you can not make your ovaries ovulate, the egg fertilize or the fertilized embryo implant.

No matter how much you try to convince yourself that you are not pregnant, that the pain you just felt is a cramp, that you are tired from the medicine, that you are hungry from the medicine, in the back of your mind there is a small part of you that is continually reading the signs looking for something. There is a small part of you that hangs on to the hope that maybe this month will be the one.

And finally, no matter how much you tell yourself that you are prepared for this cycle not to work when you see that single line on the pregnancy test or that first smattering of blood your heart will inevitably fall from your chest into your stomach and there is nothing else that you can do but just sit in the bathroom and cry.

Reality Craze

First of all, I must apologize for my lack of blog presence this week. March 15th is the corporate tax deadline, and for those of you with a calendar handy, that is next week. Need I say more?

Now on to bigger and more important things. Do any of you watch Survivor? I must admit, I am obsessed. I have seen every season except the first (which I have on DVD but have not had a chance to watch yet).

Have you noticed that almost everyone has that one reality show that they never miss? What is it about reality TV that has the whole nation glued to their TV's? It doesn't matter if it is the Apprentice, the Amazing Race, Survivor, or American Idol they are all basically the same. You start out watching for one reason, but eventually you find yourself rooting for one certain person and of course loathing one certain person. It becomes more about the people than the show and that's when you are truly hooked.

On this season I have not yet found the person that I really want to win, but I have discovered the one that I can't stand to watch. His name is Shane. Everything about this man just grates on my nerves. He is rude and obnoxious and he has more mood swings than any woman I have ever met.

One minute he is loving life and has a great alliance and the next minute he hates everyone and wants to go to the merge solo. The other thing that greatly bothers me about this man is his propensity to swear on his son's life. In a game like Survivor you are really shooting yourself in the foot if you swear on anyone's life. If you break your word you look like a schmuck and if you don't you're stuck doing something that may not be in your best interest.

So, my question to you... what is your reality show vice? And do you find yourself loving and/or hating a different character every season?

Growing up

I don't have any children, but I do have a little sister. Granted, she is only two years younger than me, but to me, her getting older feels a lot like a child of mine getting older. Every time something happens to her I keep thinking, "That's not right, she's too little for that."

Recently her and her boyfriend have been talking of marriage. Right now she is in medical school (guess we know where the brains in the family ended up) so their talk has been largely dependent upon where she does clinicals and residency. To me it has just sort of been a fleeting concept. Someday, they might get engaged, sort of thing.

Then a couple weeks ago, her boyfriend asked me to do his tax return. There was a little mixup with the information and it sort of got lost in snail mail for a week or so. (NEVER rely on the internet for addresses... the internet lies. Remember that.) Anyhow, during that week I asked her why he was in such a hurry to get his refund and she just drops the bomb on me.

"Well, he was thinking about going ring shopping. Right now we are talking summer of 2007."

What?? I almost dropped the phone!! My little sister was thinking about getting.... (gasp)... engaged?? But she's too young for that!! Never mind that she is almost 24 years old and that is 6 months older than I was when I got married. That is neither here nor there and COMPLETELY beside the point!! She's still a baby!! She can't be getting married!!

LA, LA, LA... fingers in my ears. I don't hear you......

But alas, I think I must eventually face the inevitable. If I'm this freaked out about my sister growing up, can you imagine how I'll feel about my children?? Can anyone recommend any good drugs?? I might need them!!

Technical Difficulties

For those of you who got the error that you were forbidden to view this site, I'm sorry. Blogger had apparently gone crazy as even I was not allowed to view the site. There is no password on the blog, and blogger assures me that things should be up and running normally.

Commercial Fun

"If it's round and rubber, Lee's tire sells it."

Need I say more?

Apparently there's a theme ....

Word Games

Jake says program, as in I'm watching this TV program. It drives me absolutely CRAZY. As in I want to scratch my eyes out with a dull rusty spoon crazy!! It's not a program, it's a TV show!! Programs are what little kids have a school. Christmas programs, holiday programs, etc.

He also says pitcher, instead of picture. Every time he says it I say I don't have a pitcher, but you can see this picture.

In his defense, I say ompen. He ridicules me greatly for this. My mom said ompen, my sister says ompen and consequently I, of course, say ompen. It's not that I can't say open. If I think about it when I'm talking I will make sure I say open, as too not let on as to exactly how redneck I am. But if I get in a hurry, it's ompen all the way.

Our poor children don't stand a chance. They are going to be door ompening, pitcher hanging, program watching freaks!! :-)

So what words to you use? What words does your significant other use that just drive you crazy?

Tough Choices

So, we officially decided yesterday that the vacation is on. It will have been almost three years since we have been anywhere, and I'd like to get away as much as Jake would. Plus, we haven't seen some of his relatives in over a year.

The vacation destination? Tybee Island in Georgia. Sun and beaches!! YEAH!! However, flights to Savannah from here, are less than desirably priced. Our original plan was that since it was too expensive to fly, we would just drive. His aunt lives less than 10 miles off the route we would be taking so we were going to drive half way and then stay with her.

Yesterday I just happened to think that I hadn't checked airfare prices in awhile. So, I jumped on-line and looked. Des Moines to Savannah $404 per person plus tax. Um... don't think so!! My next brilliant idea was that I would look for Des Moines to Nashville. This way we would still get to visit said aunt (which we had been planning to do for two years and never had the money for) and then we would just ride to Savannah with them. $183 per person plus tax. Yeah... I think we can handle that.

So, I call Jake, all excited that we might get to fly instead of drive. He has been really pushing me to look for airfare as 20 hours in a car over 2 days is not exactly his idea of fun. However, before I booked the airfare I wanted to make sure he had the time off requested. It is non-refundable airfare and my money tree out behind my house just hasn't been producing like it used to.

"Hey honey, I found pretty cheap airfare to Nashville. I figure we can fly there and still get to see your aunt and then ride with them to Georgia."

"Okay, I guess that would work."

"What's wrong? I thought you wanted to fly so you didn't have to be in the car that long. If you don't want to fly, we can still drive."

"No, it's not that. I want to fly, I'm just wondering where I will put my fishing poles."

"I think we can figure something out."