Friday, March 21, 2008

One Year of Sobriety

One year ago today I wrote this post... (the most comments I have ever gotten on a single post might I add!! :-) For the first time in five years I woke up alone in our house and was not concerned in the slightest about where Jake was. I knew he was safe, I knew he was alive, and I knew that he was sober. (Or at least getting there)

That day, one year ago, was the first day of the rest of our lives. Since then things have not always been easy. There have been moments of anger, frustration and pain but NOTHING... and I do mean NOTHING trumps the feeling I get when I see my little boy get SOO excited to see Jake. Without this experience I have no doubt that to Zack, Jake would be just a fleeting memory.

Before Jake was committed he missed 90% of Zack's days. He went to work, he went out and partied, there was a week in there where he didn't come home at all. I remember quite vividly when he was firt committed and he said to me I don't want to be gone a long time because I don't want to miss Zack. All I could think was, "You weren't here to see him anyway." But what ended up coming out of my mouth was if you don't get your act together you will miss much more than just a couple of months.

In the end, we all know what happened. He went away to treatment, and then back to the hospital (the same one, coincidentally that thinks we owe them $5,000.. OUCH... but worth every penny in the end), and then away to a different treatment center. Jake was gone for a total of five months and when he got back he set about doing his 90 in 90. (Where they go to 90 meetings in 90 days). He succeeded, only missing a couple of meetings, and now has a sponsor and regularly goes to at least 3 meetings a week.

Him and I will be in the program for the rest of our lives but it is a small, small price to pay for what we have gained. Moments like last night when I called him and he was trying so hard not to laugh as Zack was taking his hammer (thank you Aunt Kimmy for the hammer) and smashing his Apple Jacks on the coffee table. All I could hear was giggle, No.. Zackary... don't do that... giggle. (Jake was laughing... not Zack... Zack was just beating away)

And at that moment, all I could think about was if we had never done this, if we had never gone through all of this he would have missed that moment. He wouldn't have been there to wipe cake off his face at his first birthday party, or to kiss his owie when he took a header into the coffee table last month. He wouldn't have been there to see the huge smile on his face when he walks through the door at daycare. All of that, we owe to this process and to his continued strength and drive to stay sober.

Jake, I love you more today than I ever thought possible. I love the man you are and the father you have become. I wish you nothing but success in your continued sobriety. We will be here for you, rooting you on, now and forever.

Love,
Heather & Zackary

P.S. At lunch today I must venture out and procure myself a purple pony. Because when one promises someone a purple pony if they make it to one year of sobriety, a purple pony they must produce. Imagine how excited he will be when I get him something really cool... like a fishing trip!! :-)

5 comments:

Kbreints said...

CONGRATULATIONS Hamilton Family on one year sober. It has been a long year, but very well worth it. I love to see you as a normal, happy, functional family. I know that he will be floored with the trip!

Helen said...

Wow. What a story. What a life and a commitment. Congratulations on one year of sobriety, that's huge. And congratulations on the continuing closeness and love of your family.

stella said...

Woo Hoo!! Congratulations on your one year. Love ya!

DD said...

Heather, I am certainly in awe of not just your strength getting to this point, but Jake's as well even though it was hidden by his addiction.

I've seen too many spouses either cover or ignore the other's addictions (my MIL and FIL come to mind) and it hurts to see those couples b/c I know it's no longer love that keeps them together. It's habits and enabling.

You both have that love.

Becky said...

What a gorgeous end to such a hard story. I'm so proud of the three of you. Seriously proud.