Ok, so perhaps not quite as bluntly as the title suggests but hey, I got you to read didn't I? So, what I really want to discuss here today, turn on's and more pressing to me at this moment turn off's.
Mom, perhaps now is the time to scroll on over to some other website. Nothing to see here....
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Is she gone now?
Alright, so what I have been struggling with, finding my husband sexy. I have been married to the man for almost 5 years and I have known him for almost 12 years. Somewhere in that time we have both let ourselves go a little.
Now I'm not talking in the weight department because really, who doesn't let themselves go there? What I'm talking about is in other areas. There seem to be less and less "private" items in our marriage.
Let me give you an example, I'm a very private person when it comes to my bathroom habits. I don't announce to him that I am going to the bathroom to go #2. I simply excuse myself and say that I need to use the restroom. If in 5 minutes I'm not back I figure he gets the general idea. If he comes and knocks on the door and asks if I'm alright in there it MORTIFIES me!! Seriously... SO embarrassing!!
However, he seems to think it is perfectly fine to announce these things to me. And not even in a dainty manner. Usually more along the lines of I have to go take a cr@p or a sh!t or something equally classy. Also there is the farting. The lifting your butt and pushing it out farting. YUCK and GROSS!!
Up until about a month or so ago I sort of just let this go. Then Jess put a post up on Gift of Gab about getting in a rut with your spouse. #7 on this Rut list was being too close to your partner can be bad and suddenly it dawned on me. I don't HAVE to be ok with it.
As much as you think burping, scratching, picking, or farting is funny or cute, it can backfire and cross the line. It may be a reflection of your closeness, but there should be a limit. Otherwise, you're leaving your partner with a very unsexy image of you. How to stop: Start a new rule. If you wouldn't do it in front of your work friends, don't do it in front of your honey. To get your mate to refrain, say: "I know we're close, and we can share everything, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd leave the room, or leave me out, when you do that. It's not very sexy, and I don't want anything that makes you less sexy to me."
Reading this really made me think about what a turn off it was for me when he did these things. Most of the time when we are intimate it is in the evenings and after I have just been in a car with him and he has been farting or talking vulgar the last thing I want to do is go home and jump into bed with him.
So I have tried the advice. I very politely mentioned to him that I did not feel that it was appropriate to do those things or talk like that in front of me. That it really bothered me and it made him less sexy to me.
I don't think he's getting it. I had to remind him AGAIN last night in the car for perhaps the 20th time in what... oh say 2 1/2 weeks?? Really, I know that it will take time for him to understand this but I'm a wants results right away kind of girl. I want to get that "mystery" back about my husband and it is really hard to find him mysterious when I am privy to ALL of the things that should be private.
So, what do you suggest? What things turn you off about your spouse/significant and how do you deal with them? On the other side what things does your spouse/significant other do that make you want to just drag them into the other room right then and there?
We need to lighten it up around here after that last post and I'm counting on all of you to do it. Don't let me down!! :-)
Thursday, August 28, 2008
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9 comments:
Ok well let me be the first to say...YOUR NOT ALONE! Marshall and I have been married for 6 years and together for 9! I have a long list of things that he does that are gross and very UNSEXY! I hate it when he drinks beer and wants a kiss...but right before he asks for a kiss he turns away to burp and then leans in! YUCK, a beer burp in my mouth...lets go to bed baby!! Along with other stuff but yeah I am with you! That and I also think that once you hit 5 years in a merrage you go through a rut! Our started right after our 5 year mark and we are still having it! It sucks!! But hang in there...maybe he will get it through his big noggin!!
Love you guys!
Molls
Oh my god Dan does all the tings that you described Jake doing, and It drives me nuts....
and I am with you on the bathrrom issue.... I tend to not even fart around him-- if I can stand it. It is just polite.
To say the least, he does not recipricate.
Oh come on you guys, it is all natural things to do so why not share them. I do get annoyed at the farting but only when he does it in public, you know the slient but deadly ones and then tries to act like it wasn't him and I am afraid everyone around us is staring at us, knowing that the smell came from our direction. In the home, I don't care so much. We have one bathroom and when we are trying to both get ready in the morning, we just do what we need to do whether the other is in the bathroom at the same time or not. I really don't remember the last time I have ever really closed the bathroom door even a little if it is just us two at home. The polite thing is just to warn them if it is going to smell and grab the spray and try to mask it before it gets too bad. My big turn off is the constant obsession with sports and baseball cards and how we can't even watch a movie on TV or show together without having to flip to check the score at commercial breaks.
Lindsay
Hmmm... I definitely have a closed-bathroom-door policy so I could not ever get on board with Lindsay's protocol, but hey, whatever works for you!
The things you described don't really bug me that much... as long as the guy doesn't do them RIGHT before wanting to get physical with me. What will turn me off is making me do all the work around the house and the guy not lifting a finger. Or making me mad in some other way.
What turns me on is when he makes an effort to seduce me, make me feel wanted, even if we have been together for years. Put on some music, make out with me like we are teenagers, do SOMETHING other than wait for me to come and tell you we can have sex now.
I am so glad we don't have that bathroom issue. I am very easily grossed out by the poop thing. So thankfully hubby is discreet about it.
I get mad that my hubby has to strip down to nothing but his boxers the second he gets home and stay that way even if his friends or parents come over. Not. sexy. at. all. A couple of weeks ago I told him it was pervy to do when his mom comes over, because I wouldn't walk around in panties and a bra in front of my dad. It made no difference.
As far as the bathroom stuff, I'm with Lindsay. We don't shut the doors. Well, ok, sometimes he does if he knows it's going to be bad, but we will talk through the door or if I need something I just go in. I'm not a huge fan of the 2nd grade 'look i'm farting' thing, but we fart and burp and all that jazz so it's not a turn off to me.
When I was pregnant with our first born, it had gotten to the point that every time we had sex it was just sex. Nothing romantic, sometimes we'd be sitting on the couch and he'd literally just go 'ya wanna do it?'. Yes honey, I do, but could ya be a tad bit more romantic... well, the hormones got to me one night and I started crying about how there was no romance with it and instead of announcing it I want to go back to those movie quality kisses and strip me down on the way to the bedroom scenes every now and then. I don't know how, but it got through to him. And it's dorky I know but sometimes we'll just look at each other, we'll both be biting our bottom lips, a good sign of 'wanna do it?' and we don't say a word, race upstairs, and race to get naked first.
Maybe try initiating something he thinks is sexy one night. Like, my husband's 'thing' is a girl in a bikini and a baseball hat. So in my case, when he comes home from work one night or comes inside after I have him hunt in the garage for something I know isn't there, he'll come in and I'll be cooking dinner in a bikini and baseball hat. Works every time. That makes him want to reciprocate with me and will have rose petals leading to a hot bubble bath with marvin gaye playing and the room lit with candles!
Hope I helped!
I think this is hilarious! You get mortified when Jake makes a comment through a closed bathroom door....Are you kidding me?
The door is closed it's pretty obvious what you are doing in there.
I am not shy! We burp and fart and go to the bathroom in each others presense.
At one point in time I thought eliminating these things would steam up our sex life so I requested my husband refrain and that if he had to pass gas to please go to the bathroom or wait until I am not around.
Um...YEAH...my husband would take one step off the carpet in our bedroom to the tile in our bathroom and rip one. "I'm in the bathroom!" Needless to say that didn't work. But I don't really care, it doesn't bother me. I think farts are funny. Gross but funny!
There may come a day when you have to help your husband go the bathroom or vice versa. What an undignifying experience and even worse if that is something you have locked out of exsistance. This way with Shane and I the only part that is undignifying is that I can't do it myself.
I am totally with Lindsay!
I think bigger turn offs are bad hygiene (not naming any names). Stinky feet, not brushing one's teeth, or worse yet lack of showering.
Lately I would have to say the biggest turn off for me with my husband is his facial and body hair. I don't mind some but come on, I should not have to withhold sex so you will shave your damn face. Back Hair - GROSS!!!!! Shane get's one and I am plucking it. YUCK...YUCK....YUCK! Thankfully he is not a hairy guy. I don't think I could be with him if he were. YUCK!
That's my two cents!
It's funny. One of my friends was telling me today about how her husband rolled over yesterday morning, started groping her, let a big one rip and then said, "Do you want to hold IT" (not the fart :-) She said, "Honey. You really need a NEW technique."
I used to always tell Shawn, "I understand that you fart. All people fart. But do you have to take so much pleasure and delight in it??" I was definitely a discreet farter all through our marriage and all I ever asked (but never was successful at achieving) was, "If you need to fart or belch, do it, but please do it as quietly as possible and then say, excuse me"
In terms of the bathroom thing, we had to share a bathroom getting ready in the morning. We generally paid each other the courtesy of staying out of there while the other person was using the toilet or at least not lingering if you needed to come in and get something.
Okay from the OLD MARRIED LADY....29 years on Sept 15......my TURN OFF is "hey you want to do it?" I mean sure honey, that thought has been on my mind while I do the laundry clean the house, watch some cop show on TV. Usually I say "Where did that thought come from? If you were thinking romantically something forgot to remind you that romance is involved in romantic guestures. No I do not want to do it!" After a couple of answers like that he will come home and cook supper pay attention to me (NOT TV) or let me pick something to watch (which with his being gone so much I usually watch the Army Wives et all on my own so when he is home we watch the ones we like together or the ones that I can tolerate from Sci Fi .......
As for the burping, farting, scratching his butt side of marriage - I usually very sarcastically say "Ummm now that was sexy." He apologizes or laughs and says "your ready now aren't you?" but for the next couple of days he is more careful.
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