Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Message from my SIL

Hey guys!! My sister-in-law is having a really rough time after the birth of her second child and she wanted to try to get some feed back from anyone else who has been in a similar situation. If you don't want to leave a comment here than shoot me an e-mail hamiltonfamilycircus {at} yahoo {dot} com. She would appreciate any suggestions you have.

Well it has been one month since I had Jamison. I feel so happy to have 2 healthy, wonderful boys in my life. They really do mean the world to me. Lately I have been feeling really low and sad and ready to scream. Jamison is very demanding through out the night AND day and so is Jackson. I have been either pregnant or had a baby since May 2005...that is 2 years! When I am pregnant I can NEVER sleep and then when the baby is here you never get a good nights I haven't had a good night sleep (meaning a FULL 8 hours) since I got pregnant with Jackson. I am SO tired all the time and all I want to do is sleep. I feel like a very ugly mom...I am fat and just want to get in shape and feel good about myself. I have really been working on it. Watching what I eat and going to the gym. I just wish until I see a difference in the way I look I could feel good about myself. Everything I do I do it for Jackson, Jamison, and Marshall. I spend my day tending to the boys and cooking dinner that sometimes I don't get a shower until 2 or 3 or when Marshall gets home. And usually I get up and get in the shower so that I can start my day! I have had a really hard time trying to tell Marshall the way I feel. I finally came out and told him the other day and he said that I just need to get out of it! SO his cure for me being depressed and stressed out is to write me an e-mail everyday to tell me how much he loves me and how wonderful of a mom and wife I am..."Oh Marshall....I AM CURED!!" Yeah right...I need something more then that. And I honestly think I need some least for a little while to get me out of this rut! If ANYBODY has any helpful information or has been through the same thing I would love any information!! Please help...


Shane and Jessica Olson said...

The second after reading your post I picked up the phone and called my aunt. My aunt went through postpartum and is one of the only woman I can remembe actually discussing it. She was very against medication but realized that if she wanted to get better that was going to have to be what she would least for a short while.
She told me to tell you....GO TO THE DOCTOR - Don't wait until it gets any worse. Her advise is to get some medication not only for postpartum but for anxiety which will help you to sleep when you are sleeping. She said it will take weeks for the postpartum to fully kick in but you should know within a few days. If within a few days you get no relief go back to the doctor and get somethind different.
She also said that sleep is the most important thing!! If Marshall will help at all so you can stay sleeping and he can wake up that would help your overall health tremendously.
Don't think that going on medication makes you any less of a mother; it doesn't. Remember the medication won't be forever just for now and you will feel better before you know it!

Love you Molls!

Shane and Jessica Olson said...

Sorry typos - weeks for the postpartum MEDICATION to full kick in.

Kbreints said...

Hey Molly-- Man I know Exactly how you feel. I am not a stay at home mom, but even so... after two kids in two years... my husband does not understand why I burst into tear when I have to try on clothes, or why his loving words are not enough.

It does sound like you would benefit from some medication. I have not gotten that far- but I sure thought about it a few times and would NOT feel embarressed about getting it!

I know that the one thing that truly has been a savior for me is just being able to get out without the kids for a while. An Hour here and there helps!

Hang in there, it gets easier once you learn how to navigate the 2 kid thing-- it is a lot defferent that one child. It is what we like to call "REAL PARENTHOOD"


Lynanne said...

My first 2 boys were less than 2 years apart, as are my youngest two (9/05 and 4/07). I had very similar feelings as your SIL describes. I’ve dealt with PPD with and without medication and I'd second the suggestion that she talk to her doctor.

My doctor was quite adamant was that I get some sleep. If my husband, a friend, or a relative wouldn’t help (“can’t” help doesn’t cut it), she would write orders for a visiting nurse to come to our house. It is simply that important. My doctor also prescribed medication so I could sleep (while another person cares for my children.) I am breastfeeding so I can’t go a full 8 hours, but 4 or 5 hours of sleep is better than 1 or 2.

It’s important that her husband realize the seriousness of the situation. It’s just not a matter of your SIL needing to “get over it.” It’s very real and it affects her health, her relationships, and her children’s development.

It helped me to know that I wasn’t alone (talk to friends!) Also, while it feels like an eternity when you are experiencing it, it really is only temporary. Usually it gets better so gradually that you don’t notice the change right away. The time between 4-12 weeks of age is the absolute worst.

As for the poor self image: every time she thinks “I am ugly/fat/whatever” tell her to look at her children and think “my body worked hard to give them life.” It took 9 months (x2) for her body to change. It’s not healthy to try and undo those changes right away. Nature works against you in the early months – it wants the extra padding around so you can continue to provide for your child (breastfeeding or not). Exercise and eating should been seen as a means to better physical and mental health, not for weight loss. The latter will come with time.

OldMotherHubbardSharesAll said...

This email SCREAMS to me of PostPartum a very real a very FRIGHTENING thing. I agree with everyone else GO to the DOCTOR - level with them about the way your feeling, let them prescribe something - not long term but until the chemical levels in your body become normal again!

I would suggest getting up and taking a shower before hubby leaves in the morning if possible (then lay back down and grab what sleep you can) When Marshall gets home in the afternoon at least 2 to 3 times a week, hand him both boys, set a timer and say come get me when the timer goes off - in the mean time your in charge! And go soak in the tub, take a nap, read a book, take a walk anything for YOU - YOURSELF - Not mommy you or wife you but the I am HUMAN and I deserve it YOU!

Also cut yourself a break - know that every mommy goes through times like this....there is an end to it I promise (so says the grandma).

Anonymous said...

Wow, have I been there. My first 2 were 14 1/2 months apart and tho I loved them both and I was exhausted. #1 was a model child, sleeping thru the night at one month. #2 was up at 6 never nappped for more than 15 minutes at a time, was awake until about 11 pm and then wanted to nurse 2-3 times a night. The pediatrician was the one who realized that I was sleep deprived. Actually, I was too tired to notice. Play groups for the kids, which are really for the moms and a sitter for 4 straight hours alone will help. If you are nursing, you don't want to mess with drugs, but someone to talk to will help.
Good luck, It does get better. I went on to have more kids and survived.