Monday, July 20, 2009

Good Sister?

On Friday Lindsay was able to leave the hospital, mostly on her own two feet, and head for home. At that point I turned the reigns to her blog over to her. So here I am, back again.

When I put up the post over there, saying that I would be coming back over here I got a lot of comments stating what a good sister I was for keeping up the blog and how close we must be and for some reason, of which I can't quite put my finger on, those comments bothered me.

Now I realize why people said them. And I realize that they are grateful that they were able to keep up on her progress but does it really make me a good sister? Isn't that just what a sister is supposed to do?

As for how close we are... I've been doing A LOT of thinking about this lately.

My sister and I are two years apart. Until I was about 22 years old I was convinced she was the spawn of Satan and I would hate her forever. My sister and I didn't just have fights. We had knock down, drag out, break things in the house by throwing them at my head (yeah... she did most of the throwing... she was bigger than me....) fights. The kind that make your parents want to lock you both in your rooms until you are 18 and then let you out only so you could gather your belongings and





So many fights and so much ill will that I do not remember one single event of hers that I attended. She was in Volleyball, Basketball, and I think Track and Softball. Yet I didn't attend one single game. And right now, that makes me sad. I have gone to a few of my nieces softball games and was supposed to go to one of my nephews this weekend but was unable because of a wonderful stomach virus. Those 3 or 4 games I have attended of theirs are more than I ever attended of my own sisters.

Part of this, I can tell you right now is because of the life I was living and the choices I was making about babysitting my partner instead of living my own life. Part of this I can see as me taking back my own life but part of it was also this huge animosity that was between us.

I have several vivid memories of telling my parents that once I graduated high school I would never speak to her again.

And them in turn telling me that she was my sister and one day I would realize how much I love her and she would be the maid of honor in my wedding...

They were right....
Damn parents and their knowing things.....

I don't know when it changed. I don't know if it was over night or slowly but suddenly my sister and I just started talking like two normal people. She was the maid of honor in my wedding but she was also the pain in my ass when I was pregnant.

Then last year she got pregnant and she almost died after having Landen (oh yes... this is twice in one year... we have to have a discussion about this.....) and suddenly all of that crap between us didn't seem to matter any more. Suddenly all that mattered was that she was my sister.

Often over the last two weeks I have wondered, if I had found Al-anon sooner (I had been in a little over a year when Landen was born) would we have been close sooner? Did I stay away because I was so wrapped up in my own life that I didn't have time for anyone else? Or like so many other things in life did time just take time?

I may never know the answer to that but I can tell you that this accident has forever changed my view of my sister (she's a rock star by the way... all the new blogs on her site... typed by her... with ONE hand....).

We may not have been good sisters before but I think we will be much better sisters now!!


Alan_Courtney said...

I hear ya....that wall didn't really break with my brother and I until he was deployed to Iraq. Now it's like we're actually brother and sister and talk like humans. Now he calls to check and see how squirt is doing. It's amazing what happens and how life changes when you get older.

kbreints said...

I am so glad that you were able to find the friend in your sister that was there the whole time.

Family should be the most important thing in anyones life...

Kristi Crafton said...

Hi. Could you please give us Lindsey's new home address so we can send her something? She volunteered on our family support committee and I want to let her know we are thinking of her.

Kristi Crafton
Habitat for Humanity Quad Cities

Jen said...

Sisters, always interesting. I'm the younger by 18 months. She was my idol, and was protective of me, but when I was about 12, I went to live with my mom while she remained with my dad. 2 months (summer vacation) was about how long it took for the squabbles to be constant, and I can't imagine having been teenage girls together.

Lindsay said...

I totally agree, growing up, I thought I would always hate you and as the years have gone on we have grown closer, especially through these tragic events, just wonder why I seem to be the one always getting hurt lately.

Jessica said...

Shane and his sister have pretty much always been close.

They had their falling outs over adult issues and didn't speak for years or attend each other's weddings. VERY SAD!

Now it seems as though that is water under the bridge and they have picked up where they left off.

Shane is VERY protective of his sister and loves her dearly. So even though I have no sibblings myself I can't relate to what you are saying through their relationship either.

Life is too short and you are so lucky to have "Inny" and she is lucky to have you! Whatever your difference were throw them away and start a-new! She should be your best friend and confidant!

I would give anything to have a sister; instead I will settle with yoy! :)

Jessica said...

Opps - YOU...I will settle with you. Who the he!! is you? :)

Jessica said...

yoy - who the he!! is yoy!

Oh geez I am seriously taking a nap now. If this is how sleep deprived mothers feel it's no wonder any of you can even function! Hats off to you all!

Amanda said...

SO GLAD your sister is home.

You are a good sis :) most definitely!

Anonymous said...

Well Heather I have been around your parents farm for a long time ,loud tractors ,loud combines and some very noisy girls screaming at each other , the chick fights were the loudest. lol Anyone that has a brother or a sister has had these fights not sure if any could equal the volume of a Heather and Lindsay fight but we all had them . We are both the older sibling here with 1 major difference I CAN whip my younger brother as for you and Lindsay I'm sorry girl but my money is on Lindsay . LOL Luv Ya Dave

Rusty said...

Well I had to kinda come thru the back door of this through Lindsay's site to find yours:) I can tell you from watching sibling's fight (I have 5) that you 2 have no corner on it. It's almost like a right of passage in some families...all struggling for control. That is what has happened with you, you have become willing to let go of the control. Keep working that program and it will only get better. I have much to report on on Friday.

Erica said...

leave the past in the past-- it's what's made you who you are today. and you are a strong, independent woman who I'm proud to call my friend.

I witnessed your fights... and who do you think taught her to throw? ;) I'm pretty sure I thought YOU were the spawn of Satan! That being said....

I have truly been amazed at your love for Lindsay over these past 3 weeks. I have enjoyed getting to know you for who you truly are.

You may not have been there for her in high school but you were there for her when she truly needed you-- and you cared for her in only a way a sister can (who else would scratch her bum?! and demand to wash her hair?)

The one thing I've learned about your sister over the last 25 years (wow.. seriously 25?) is she's rarely wrong and she'll always be a pain in the ass. mind you a lovable pain who's a doctor, with a huge heart and a new found respect for her big sister. Through this experience you will now have an unshakable bond- one centered in Christ I pray.
And from another sister... Thank you.