Unsettled. That is the one word to describe me lately. I'm feeling very unsettled. My Children & Families lady is actually the one who pointed it out. Gave a name to a feeling I've been trying to put a finger on for a couple of weeks.
For so very long my life has been one crisis after another and now... well now it's not. Things in my life are calm for the first time in several years and I'm finding myself not sure how to adjust. For awhile I was still on edge. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it doesn't seem to be happening.
Last week Jake got the last of his things out of my garage and my space officially became my space again. This week he is working on getting his portion of the debts out of my name. When that is done the air will clear and life will just begin to be life again.
And while in my head all I have been wishing for is a normal quiet life I find myself crawling out of my skin now that I have been given it. Is this what normal people do?
Believe me when I tell you, I am THRILLED to have this life. I am sleeping again. Did I mention that? Sleep... oh how I have missed you.... I'm just in unfamiliar territory. Unsure what it is that "normal" people do. Is it really as easy as working, coming home, relaxing and going to work again the next day? That seems far to calm compared to what I am used to.
So I ask you, dear Internet readers, what do you do all day? Do you find yourself feeling unsettled with the boring and mundane of your life or are you happy for the peaceful rhythm of the familiar? Is it really this easy and this calm for "normal" people or am I missing something that will come and whack me upside the head later??
Thursday, September 03, 2009
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3 comments:
Not the same thing, but when I went from moving every year to being in the same place (same town) for 7 years it was at first unsettling. I found myself painting rooms, rearranging furniture and pictures ect. just to make things seem different for myself.
Now? with a move looming I am actually unsettled thinking about all that entails. All the changes that I will have to make.
Anytime you make a major shift in your life either from crazy to calm or the other was around it is different.
Yes-- I LOVE my quiet calm, organized, scheduled little life with my family.
It sounds like you need to get a hobby :)
OH I totally get this, TOTALLY. After my ex-dbag finally was out of my life and I got with my now husband whom I can trust and we have a normal life of no lying, cheating, stealing I found myself picking fights with him. He stood his ground. It took me a good couple of years (and people wonder why it took us so long to marry) to finally realize that this is what normal life is all about. My life consists of coming home, relaxing with the family, going to bed and actually sleeping and doing it all again the next day. Yes it's "boring" but I'll take boring over drama any day!!
I nap! I worry about stuff. In fact I get unsettled if I have nothing to worry about. That's my nature though. I'm not sure you've been in touch with your nature for years! You've been so taken over by this life,,,,,,maybe you need to get to know you again. Maybe you need more activities that are fun. A class, yoga, swimming laps, poetry, art? Maybe you'd like a hobby as someone else suggested. Maybe you'd like to volunteer,,,maybe you can adjust into this lovely quiet existence.
You have time and energy for your own passions now. You and your lil man. I'm sure he'd have you giving tractor rides every evening all year long. I suppose that's a hobby LOL!
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