Money Matters

First and foremost I must say... Effing Blogger and their Effing comments!! I was reading a friend's blog and I decided to comment. So I typed up this comment, which became a novel, a big one... like the one that you take on the 12 hour flight overseas and read the WHOLE way there and the WHOLE way back. Think Harry Potter in 6 point type. Yeah... it was kind of like that. Anyway, I finally finished up this catchy comment and when I went to push publish poof... it was gone!! GONE I tell you!! 45 minutes of my life that I will NEVER get back!! EVER...

So, instead of re-create it there, I decided since I had so much to say on the topic I might as well take up my own space, instead of hers and believe me when I tell you, that is just what I did. This could quite possibly be the longest post on this site so you may want to grab a beverage and a comfy seat and settle in.

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start, when you count you... oh... sorry I got kind of carried away there. Anyhow, just so you are not totally lost start here and then come back and read my response. Well... what are you waiting for... get going!!

Oh, I see, you think that I will just tell you the gist of it anyway and you can save yourself the trouble, well... maybe I will and maybe I won't. Don't blame me if you get to the bottom of this post and are sitting there scratching your head going what the hell is she talking about? I tried...

So, now that we are all back together again, the financial list. Basically the three financial goals my friend feels are absolutely essential before committing to having a child:

1. Employment-Possess secure employment, that could mean long standing with your company or having credentials that will make employment readily accessible.

2. A Savings (and still be able to contribute to savings after children) and 401K plan.

3. Responsible Loans: Responsible Credit Card debt and/or open lines of credit (if you can’t afford to make a payment on a $20,000 line of credit then you should not have that high of limits, reduce your open line of credit, in most cases it will help better your credit score anyways) AND College Loans (If you have $100,000 in student loans but only make $20,000, and will only make $20,000 – YIKES).

What? You can't read that? Really? Because when I first read it that is exactly what it looked like to me. It seemed greek to me to be concerned about such things... Alright... different font... here try this one....

1. Employment-Possess secure employment, that could mean long standing with your company or having credentials that will make employment readily accessible.

2. A Savings (and still be able to contribute to savings after children) and 401K plan.

3. Responsible Loans: Responsible Credit Card debt and/or open lines of credit (if you can’t afford to make a payment on a $20,000 line of credit then you should not have that high of limits, reduce your open line of credit, in most cases it will help better your credit score anyways) AND College Loans (If you have $100,000 in student loans but only make $20,000, and will only make $20,000 – YIKES).

Better?? Okay then... moving on. My response? I stepped away from the computer and breathed. Deep Breaths... (Let me tell you, these pregnancy hormones are a bitch!!) Why the need for all of this Lamaze breathing? Am I having pre-term labor? Why no, actually when I first read her post my gut reaction was that I couldn't help but feel attacked.

However, after sitting down and thinking about it for a moment I came to the decision that she was listing what she needed to feel comfortable with having a child (Okay, with the thought of being a parent, no one is really comfortable with the actual HAVING of the child) not what she thought EVERYONE needed to feel comfortable with.

So I decided that instead I needed to give my reaction to her list asrelatesltes to my own life and my own comfort level and maybe suggest a few other things that I feel are important. The decision to have a child is a VERY personal one and as you can tell one that strikes many deep emotions in peopObviouslyulsy there are MANY factors to consider when deciding whether you are at the right stage in your life to bring a child into your relationship but since she only touched on the financial aspects, that is what I will stick to. Also, since she is working in utopia format we are going to assume that this child is planned and not a product of oh shit the condom broke or holy hell I didn't take my pill.

#1) This is the one that struck the hardest with me. For those of you who know me you will know that Jake is nothing if he is not insecure in his employment. I am on my 1st job since I graduated college. I have been at my job over 4 years (but may be looking for something new soon if they find my blog :-) and plan to be there much longer. Jake is on his 7th job in the same four year period. (No, that is NOT a typo) 2 Floorcovering, 1 cooking (I know... it was a finding himself stage), 1 residential construction, 1 commercial construction, and 2 framing (one commercial and one residential). However, to his credit he has always had income coming in from some source.

So, on the money front this does concern me a little. Is it enough to keep me from having a child. Obviously not!! I don't think this will affect his ability to be a good dad and I think he has a LOT of great things to offer a child. If sometime down the road he is on his 20th job and I can't take it anymore then we will havereevaluateuate things but for now I knew who he was when I married him and I know that this is not on the top of my worry list right now.

#2) A savings? We were supposed to have a savings? Well Shit!! I knew we forgot something. Um God... it's me... are you listening? Could you take this baby back a few months... I've got some SERIOUS saving catching up to do!! Okay really, I put money into my 401(k) {I'm not getting any younger you know... and I don't want to work forever} and we have a small amount in our savings account, most of which is what I inherited from my grandma not that which we managed to save on our own account.

Look, I know in a perfect world it would be nice to have all of our debt paid off and to be putting awacertaintian amount each month but realistically for us, and for A LOT of people I know, that just isn't going to happen. If that is a requirement to have children someone needs to hightail it down to that hospital and start stuffing back some 70-80% of those babies!! :-)

Realistically I think savings comes with age and sometimes people are at a place in their lives where they are ready to expand their families but have not expandednned their bank accounts. My sister in-law just had a baby in February. She's 22 and I think the balance in their savings account is close to $0. We are due in in January. Jake and I will both be 26. The balance in our savings account is more than $0 but only because there was some inheritance and a little bit of self control on our part. Then there is my friend. She is 35 and considering having her first child. She has been working for over 10 years and the balance in her savings account is significantly more than mine. Is one of us more ready for this next step in our lives than the other? I don't think so. My guess is that at the age of 55 or 60 it will probably all even it's self out. Those of us who didn't save as much in our younger years will do so in our later and vice versa.

Finally #3) This is the one and only point which I do have to say had some merit on our decision making. People... honestly... if you are living in a van down by the river and you are making the decision to have a family please... just say no. However, if you can pay your bills and are not cooking cockroaches and earthworms for dinner then more power to you. Three years ago Jake and I were on the latter side rather than the former. We never actually ate bugs mind you, but I was floating checks EVERY week just hoping to make it so that we could buy food and pay our rent.

Obviously at that point in our lives making consciousious decision to have a child would have been irresponsible. However at the point we are at now we have manageable debt and are always able to do a little extra each month. I think once you get to that point it is really up to you what your comfort level becomes. Babies are EXPENSIVE!! You've got daycare, diapers, formula, clothes, etc. Everytime I think about it I have a mild panic attack BUT like everyone says, if you wait until you can afford children, you may never have them.

Okay, so I'm done with the list. Can I be excused now? Actually, somewhere in all of this I did speak to miss Jessica and as it turns out the answer she was trying to get is not one she will get by asking the questions she has. She knows that there is more to deciding to start a family than just money she's just not sure what it is. How big of a role should money have? When she looks around her it seems as if the money factor is not even entering some people's radars.

I can't speak for anyone else as coming to that decision is very personal and different for everyone. Growing up I have been on both sides of the money issue. When we were little my dad was a farmer and my mom worked as an accountant at Firestone. Most of the clothes we owned she made or they came from a garage sale. However I don't have any ill effects from the fact that for Christmas my sister and I got a Fisher Price kitchen set to share instead of our own power wheels. Heck, we had big wheels... who needed power wheels?

As we got older my mom quit her job and we started a family feed business. As the business grew, so did the expendable income that we had. Suddenly all the clothes were new and the Burger King was readily flowing. But my happiness quotient? It didn't change one bit. In fact I was actually more unhappy with more money... or maybe that was just the teenangstanxt!!

Either way, I think money should be a consideration but it is in no way the deciding factor. When your children get ready to have children of their own chances are they are going to remember how much you loved them and how much time you spent with them, not whether you lived in a 1 bedroom apartment or a 10 bedroom mansion. Most of the people I know are concerned with how they are going to raise their children not what they are going to buy for them.

So, what was it for us? What considerations did we have when deciding to take this step? I can't pin point it really. We wanted to make sure we were in a good financial and mental place but even when we got there, or thought we had gotten there, jumping off that cliff was a lot like it sounds. For a month it was this is my last month of pills, are we sure we are ready for this? This is my last week of pills, are we still sure? Okay, it's Sunday I can take the new pack now are we absolutCERTAINTIAN this is what we want to do? The first time I knew that we were having unprotected sex the freaking out was just as great....

BUT... then it took awhile and every month found us realizing how ready we were and how hard it was not to be there. And at that moment, it didn't have to do with money or the marriage or the stuff, it had to do with the look I saw in Jake's eyes when he would see a baby or the look I know he saw in mine. We were just ready and we just knew. How did we get that way? I suppose only God will ever know the answer to that one.
trulyuely believe in a phrase my good friend uses quite a lot. God will give you your children when he feels you are ready not when you tell him you are ready. If there is some planning that you can do before hand, great. If you are blessed with an unexpected surprise, great. Somehow, for those of us who try these things have a way of working themselves out. Sometimes it is with a second job or a little bit of credit card debt but as long as you love your children and show them that you are there for them whenever they need you 30 years down the road they may not even remember that you took them to school in an Oldsmobilebile. (With T-tops none the less. Hey, they were a special order!!)