Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Silence is Golden

Do you know if you sit still and do nothing long enough you just might figure out what it is you want to do with your life?

In Al-anon we have a saying: "Don't just do something, sit there." It reminds us that sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all. When your addict or alcoholic is using sometimes doing something only makes the situation worse and the best thing to do is really to keep your mouth shut.

In a way that's where I've been the last couple of weeks. Sitting still. Tax season is coming and I am really struggling this year. When I think about working long hours and being away from my son it makes me want to cry. Seriously... I'm tearing up as I write this.

Every single day he does something new and wonderful and I'm going to miss it. And I HATE that!! I always swore that I would never put a job before my children and here I am doing it. At this point I don't really have a choice. I could cut back my hours at work but to do that would mean taking a pay cut and we can't afford that right now. As it is we are still not back to taking on 100% of our financial responsibilities.

So, during the days I've been trying to make the most of my time at work. Get everything caught up that I can so that I'm not behind. I've been working through lunch and trying to stay 15 minutes late and come in 15 minutes early.

Then, in the evenings, instead of logging onto the computer to see what all of you are doing I am taking the extra time to read stories and sing silly songs. To take pictures and videos and to soak in every single waking moment of oohie gooie baby goodness. Perhaps I'm hoping I can build up a reserve kind of like a camel so I won't wither away in the next three and a half months.


Kbreints said...

ok-- I can understand your need to spend time with your son, you are now off my shit list ;)

This year will be a good test for you, if you can make it through and still want to do it again next year, or if you will be looking for something different...

I will pray that time stops in Zack world and moves in lightspeeds for tax season!

Jessica said...

So let me get this straight? We are celebrating the end of tax season by ditching the Spike man and going on a "adventure"? You aren't going to back out on me are you? - LOL

You are not putting your job before your child. You are working to provide for your child. There are ways you can have the best of both worlds you just might not like it. Wake up earlier and go to work while he is sleeping that way you can come home earlier when he is awake and you can spend time with him. You won't be missing much in the morning when you leave versus how much you will miss at night working later. Come home earlier to spend some quality time with him, put him to bed and then work from home. There are definately alternatives - you just have to learn what to give and what to take.
Just because you are a working mother does not mean you are choosing work over your child.

DD said...

Those 15 minutes add up. Just remember that when things are revving up and you barely get to spend time with your son before he goes to bed at night. It just takes 15 minutes to have your heart recharged by his unconditional love.

J said...

You're a GOOD MOM!!! Don't pity; PARTY!

As a mom who is on the 'other side' (my two are 11 and 10), you *will* get thru this. The achy heart just reminds you to cherish every moment you have with him. But you won't be a good mom if you can't support him and care for him. It's the bargain we make; it's the juggling we do to survive. You just have to feel good about what you are contributing to your family's life, and try to focus less on what you feel like is being sacrificed.

After all, you are a role model now; he's seeing a competent, strong, smart, energetic, positive and loving Mom who has someone else's best interests at heart. He'll learn the value of hard work and loyalty from you. At age 26 he'll say, 'Man, my Mom worked her butt off and was still the best and most loving mom to me. She sacrificed, and I benefitted. How cool is she!?!' I really believe that thought will come to him one day.

So keep tough. You're doing great, you're doing right, and you're not missing out on anything because you don't take anything for granted. You care about giving him the best possible life, and that will bring you all the blessings and joy and admiration from him in years to come.