Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween!!

Happy Halloween from the Cutest Turtle I know!!

I'm at a loss for words about what to post right now so I thought I'd give you a really cute picture of Zack in his costume while I gather my thoughts. I'll take the picture down in a few days but the thoughts will remain.

Tomorrow I begin NaBloPoMo so you should be seeing A LOT more posts from me. The idea of the program is to post something every day in the month of November. Even days that are holidays and/or weekends. And you are also supposed to post it ON that day... not back date it. So... I'm going to try and see how it goes.
Other than that, I'm struggling right now with some personal things. Jake has been urging me to get a sponsor but when I brought it up in my meeting last night I got mixed feelings on it. Some people told me to wait until I found someone I was comfortable with, some told me to just start calling Al-anon people and see who I click with, and some others told me to just pick someone and ask them to be my sponsor and then if it doesn't work out to pick someone else.
I think I will try the calling someone thing tonight. I have a friend who I am very close to but with whom I don't always see eye to eye. This has put me in a tough spot lately because sometimes she will say things to me that hurt my feelings, not realizing that it does so. She told me the other night that sometimes she speaks to me as if she is speaking to someone else about me instead of realizing that I am the one that is going through all of this.
One of the things I love most about her is her ability to tell me like it is but it seems like sometimes when I do the same to her I offend her without meaning to. So now I'm struggling. How much of the things that I'm bothered by are truly because I am who I am and I like to control situations and how much are things I should be bothered by? I think only another Al-anon member can answer this for me.
Only someone who has walked in my shoes and has worked their program and come out on the other side is going to be able to see these situations for what they are. Right now I just feel confused and conflicted. There is a part of me that still feels like I'm right about certain situations and like they are getting contorted and twisted to make me look like I'm wrong because she wants to be right (her and I we are very similar creatures) and then there is another part of me that thinks maybe I'm just grasping for something, anything to hold on to and to be in control of.
Anyway, if I get hooked up with someone, and even if I don't, I'm sure that these self examination topics should give me plenty of material to fill my one a day posting requirement. It's just a matter of whether I can find the time to put the post UP every day!! :-)


Anonymous said...

I think the idea of really clicking with someone who you will rely on (heavily at times) is important. I think there has to be some distance, however, between you. In other words, I don't think being almost-exact mirrors of each other is the best idea.

The idea of a sponsor is to have someone lay down the truth and you have to be able to hear it and chew on it and really think about it. If you have someone too close (like a close best friend you fight with like sisters/have disagreements with/etc like you described) then you're really not getting the objective sponsor that you need.

A sponsor should be someone you pair up with for support and guidance. You don't need a "yes" man; you need someone with experience to be there for you. If the person you've described is a candidate, I vote she's too close to you/not quite "it", and that it'll just defeat the purpose of the program - you need less stress, not more. It sounds like you're too close with the person you describe. I don't think that's a good idea IMHO.

Anonymous said...

I agree with anonymous. However, the friend you described does tell you the truth regardless of weither or not you want to hear it.
Hopefully who ever you choose for a sponsor, you can hear the truth from her/him better than "the friend" you described.
I do think "the friend" would be an excellent sponsor to won't find a more supportive sponsor or one that will be more willing to throw themselves into your recovery...someone who will truely walk the line with you!

Kbreints said...

I agree with the previous anonymous posters. You need someone LIKE your person, however not someone who is so close to you. You need a objective third party. At this point, everyone that talks to you on a daily basis anyway-- probably is not a good choice. You need someone that you can start fresh with.