Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Real Solutions

Well I read through all of your comments. Thank you all for your input. After thinking about it for awhile I agree with those of you who said the passive aggressive approach probably wasn't going to work. If I don't do it, at least at this stage, Jake is not going to notice it's not getting done and that is just going to make me angrier.

So last night we sat down and very calmly discussed how I felt and how it made me feel to be continually doing everything around the house while he did nothing. I agreed with the friend who brought up that it made me feel like he didn't respect me and that he was being lazy and selfish. However, knowing Jake as I do I knew saying those things to him would just make him get defensive.

So, I approached them from the angle of if he was doing all of the cleaning and I was just sitting around how would it make him feel. He acted like he was getting it but I suppose only time will tell.

For now the cleaning lady is a permanent fixture. While I don't like the reasons we had to hire her I do like the job she does and the free time it gives me to not have to worry about doing the deep cleaning so for now she's staying.

As for the rest of the stuff Jake and I agreed to split kitchen work and laundry. I will do the laundry and he will make sure that the kitchen counters and the table are cleaned off every day before he leaves for work. At this point that is a start and true to his word he did clean up this morning and start the dishwasher. So, perhaps this is the beginning to wonderful things?? :-)


Kbreints said...

Wow- I missed out on a big discussion yesterday! It sounds like you came a good solution- I hope that it works. The fact that it is just housework is what I have to remind myself. Dan helps when hen feels like he needs to- I came home yesterday to a clean house. The other day he had finished up the laundry. Just last week he swept the floors. These small windows of help goes a long way for me. I have told him that and I thank him for helping when it happens. I think that he is getting it-- but we will see.

Shane and Jessica Olson said...

It’s all about communication and what you and Jake discussed is great.

If you ever feel like you want to take it the next step further by bringing up the disrespect, selfish, and lazy. This is what Shane and I have found works for us. In a calm collected voice (like you said you were with Jake)

“I am not saying that you are and I am not accusing you of being; but it makes me feel disrespected when you don’t help me around the house because I feel like you see it as your time is more valuable than mine. In all other aspects of our relationship you are not a selfish person but when I can’t get help trying to keep up it makes me feel like you are. I am tired too and I want to spend time with Spike but I know this stuff needs to get done around here. It overwhelms me to live with laundry on the floor or cat hair on the rug (or whatever it may be).”

There is no fault in how you feel Heather. What you and Jake need to realize, probably more Jake needing to realize is that you are each other’s biggest fans and best friends. You would never purposely put him down or hurt his feelings. So when you are telling him how you feel he needs to know that you are not saying it to be mean and you are not cutting him down you are just simply feeling like you can’t do it all by yourself. As we all know men need some guidance.

Good Luck….if nothing else works I know where we can get some steel toed boots for some swift kicking of the ass. LOL

OldMotherHubbardSharesAll said...

Yo Jess I might use that for my co-workers/ know because I'm the only girl in the office I'm the only one that can put the toilet paper on the roll or papertowels - Never mind that I am the ONLY one that puts in 50 -60 hours per week to get my job & part of theirs done!

Sorry had to rant there for a seconde. I think that your approach was great Heather! It might take a couple of reminders down the see a room and if there is a place to sit it is clean where women see a room and if their is one thing out of place or on the floor the whole room is dirty! Jupitar & Mars (or Venus whatever) thing again!

Deanna said...

YAY. Phase one is complete. Good for you, Heather!