I'm at a loss for words about what to post right now so I thought I'd give you a really cute picture of Zack in his costume while I gather my thoughts. I'll take the picture down in a few days but the thoughts will remain.
Tomorrow I begin NaBloPoMo so you should be seeing A LOT more posts from me. The idea of the program is to post something every day in the month of November. Even days that are holidays and/or weekends. And you are also supposed to post it ON that day... not back date it. So... I'm going to try and see how it goes.
Other than that, I'm struggling right now with some personal things. Jake has been urging me to get a sponsor but when I brought it up in my meeting last night I got mixed feelings on it. Some people told me to wait until I found someone I was comfortable with, some told me to just start calling Al-anon people and see who I click with, and some others told me to just pick someone and ask them to be my sponsor and then if it doesn't work out to pick someone else.
I think I will try the calling someone thing tonight. I have a friend who I am very close to but with whom I don't always see eye to eye. This has put me in a tough spot lately because sometimes she will say things to me that hurt my feelings, not realizing that it does so. She told me the other night that sometimes she speaks to me as if she is speaking to someone else about me instead of realizing that I am the one that is going through all of this.
One of the things I love most about her is her ability to tell me like it is but it seems like sometimes when I do the same to her I offend her without meaning to. So now I'm struggling. How much of the things that I'm bothered by are truly because I am who I am and I like to control situations and how much are things I should be bothered by? I think only another Al-anon member can answer this for me.
Only someone who has walked in my shoes and has worked their program and come out on the other side is going to be able to see these situations for what they are. Right now I just feel confused and conflicted. There is a part of me that still feels like I'm right about certain situations and like they are getting contorted and twisted to make me look like I'm wrong because she wants to be right (her and I we are very similar creatures) and then there is another part of me that thinks maybe I'm just grasping for something, anything to hold on to and to be in control of.
Anyway, if I get hooked up with someone, and even if I don't, I'm sure that these self examination topics should give me plenty of material to fill my one a day posting requirement. It's just a matter of whether I can find the time to put the post UP every day!! :-)