Friday, March 27, 2009

Friday Confessionals

Mom... Dad... any members of my immediate family... STOP reading...

Right now...

You think I'm kidding....

But I'm not....

See that X up in the corner....

Press it...

I'll wait....

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Are they gone? Oh for the love of all things holy... do you think I'm kidding. You will NEVER look at me the same if you continue looking. PLEASE... S-T-O-P......

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I have only ever been with one person in my whole life.

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It gets worse... you can STOP reading now...

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Towards the end of our marriage "relations" was the farthest thing from my mind. I didn't think about it, I didn't want it....

Now, I can't STOP thinking about it. If I was a different type of girl I would have been at a bar last weekend, oh wait... I was... maybe that's a bad example. N-E-Way... If I didn't have this extreme fear of some weirdo coming to my house and killing me I would totally be all over the one night stands.

As it is, I just want to borrow a guy, someone who I know is safe and won't injure me.

Can I borrow yours?

I'll give him back I promise....

**Editors note... it gets worse in the comments... if you are in any way offended by any of this... step away from the comment box!!**

13 comments:

Jessica said...

OH NO!!!! If you are going to go that far you MUST tell us which one of "OURS" you would like to "borrow".

LMAO!! Literally frantically gripping for the arm of my chair as I fall out and the wheels fly out from under me.

Gasping...
Gasping...
Snort....
Gasping....

Jessica said...

Gasping....
Gasping....
Still snortying....

Now we know what you are thinking about...

HaHaHa - gasping

at night!

kbreints said...

OH HEATHER...... you have toys don't you? LMAO.....

Heather said...

Soo... not the same thing!!! :-)

Jessica said...

BeTteR!

(Not that I would know because we all know I am prudish)

But....you get to go at your own pace, its ALL about you, and you can throw them under the bed when your done.

I think that matches all your requirements...

Safe (check)
Won't Kill you (check)
***unless you fall in the tub***

Laura said...

Lol, oh this was TOTALLY me shortly after my relationship with my ex-fiance ended. I totally get where you're coming from. Sorry I got nobody to lend you ;)

darkship said...

um...as a guy I'd like to say ....ah never mind.... :)

Jenn said...

LOL @ Darkship

On another note...
I totally understand. :-)

Heather said...

Sorry Darkship... I have ruled out anyone who at one point in my life, no matter how far in the past, played a roll similar to my big brother!! :-)

darkship said...

that I get! could defiantly be a little weird. I was more leaning towards "we men are not a piece of meat to be passed around" idea, but I don't know that all would agree so I gave up on it!


(i still get to be a bit protective as a kinda big brother though right?)

Amanda said...

LOL Jessica, there are ones that can even go in the tub now!!!! No danger!!!

OMH said...

LOL hey I'm with Jess.....BOB (battery operated boyfriend) never would leave his dirty clothes in the floor or expect you to when you are "not in the mood" .......Bob is also low maintenance - never does he turn his nose up to what you have fixed for dinner or embarrass you in front of friends (wait never mind the last - it is VERY embarrassing when you are having a party and your five year old daughter brings him into the living room asking "What's this"......she did survive, heck I even survived but I did learn to not keep it under the bed anymore!)

Denice said...

I so had this problem after I separated too. I did 1 fling. Learned I wasn't a fling kinda gal and found better toys. It is tough. I feel for you. I hope things are getting better.