Tuesday, March 24, 2009

It Happens

Sorry, I got NOTHING for you today. This is very much the place I am in today. Shhh.... IT Happens. I very much want all of this to be behind me so that we can move on but it seems as if that will not be the case.

The divorce is on hold. Partly because my lawyer wants to see if he will be having any sort of income soon or if he will be going to treatment and partly because there is still a no contact order making it sort of hard to work out things like will he be selling his car to help pay for things while he is gone or will he be keeping it because he needs it to get to meetings and a new job.

He has detoxed so at this point he is not a threat to me. However, with that said, if he comes out and goes straight back to the drugs he could be. I just very much want to be DONE dealing with it right now but unfortunately it will be something I will be dealing with at least for the next 16 years.

I went out this weekend with some new friends and some old friends and I had a BLAST!! It very much gave me renewed energy at least for a couple of days. But today... I'm sort of crashing hard. I just got a call from the county attorney who told me Jake will be in lockup for at least awhile longer. He seemed to indicate to his dad he thought he would get out on the 26th but this guy says not so quickly.

His words to me were that they do not let people out on their arraignments and that unless someone bails him out he will be in there until he makes a plea deal and finishes his sentence. Which, he is thinking will be in jail treatment or out of jail treatment while on probation. But either way a couple more months.

So, while we wait I sit in limbo. The divorce decree has been drafted and just sits... gathering dust. Ugg... I don't like limbo....

8 comments:

kbreints said...

yeah. Big. Ugh.

I know that it would be nice to have that piece of paper signed and done, but I have never heard of a quicky divorce....

It is important that you find the best way possible to move on with your life without Jake... and without having to wait for HIM to make a move.

You cannot put your life on hold waiting for him to get out of jail... or into treatment.. or into a job again.

If you don't like limbo, than don't be in limbo. Make some decisions yourself. Don't wait on HIM to decide weather he is going to clean up or mess up again.

So what if you don't have that paper that says that you are divorced.

Act like you are, and move on.

...and I say all of this is the best possible light of course :)

Heather said...

Hey.. you know about my weekend....

I'd say I'm doing alright at trying to move on with my life....

Now if other people would just cooperate with my plans....

He He He He.....

Jennifer B said...

I remember when I filed for divorce I thought - okay, we'll be done in 90 days when the waiting period is over. Almost a year later I found myself wondering if I was going to have to buy my estranged husband a 15 year wedding anniversary present!! What IS the perfect gift for that one?!? It seemed like it would never end!

Everyone told me that a year in the future everything would be SO much better and they were right.

There is going to be a lot of rough times emotionally and financially during the next year but you will find the strength within to continue and you will see more of these glimpses of "life".

Once piece of advice - because you know I am just full of it :-) is to ask what % of your lawyer's cases end up in court. My experience with divorce lawyers is that some of them seem to go to court ALL the time. Others do a better job of negotiating and getting things handled out of court.

I had to fire my first lawyer because she never returned my calls and seemed like she was perfectly willing to stretch things out.

darkship said...

The only thing my ex and I argued about was custody and that took about a year as well.... don't imagine you'll have that problem. I remember catching myself saying let's get this damn thing over with more than once! but I agree with Jennifer B try to keep it out of the court room, that's more of a hassle

loving sister said...

"He has detoxed so at this point he is not a threat to me"

He is not a threat to you now because he is still in jail. Once he gets out, I think there will always be some sort of anger and threat there. Clean or not.

Jen said...

You hit the nail on the head - you will be tied to him for at least the next 16 years, and longer. I think this time will be good - you can decide on your stance and get used to it, let it become second nature, maybe.

My parents divorced when I was very young, Nate's age. And they were always civil for us, but there were growing pains. My dad was an alcoholic (confirmed) who was (possibly) abusive to my mom (never to us, and he wound up with custody due to my mom going crazy and, um, leaving us at the babysitter's. For days, possibly. 2 sides to every story and all that).

Long story short, I can't imagine my parents married, for which I am grateful, because it sounds like a nightmare. And while you're a good mom, and Clean Jake is a good dad, if the 2 of you are toxic together, then the little Nate in me is grateful you are fixing this sooner rather than later.

Thinking about you....

silentscream said...

Hi! I found your blog over 2 years ago but never left a comment. I have followed your blog because I can relate to what your going through in some ways.

I am glad I found your blog. I know I am not alone.

silentscream said...

Hi! I found your blog over 2 years ago but never left a comment. I have followed your blog because I can relate to what your going through in some ways.

I am glad I found your blog. I know I am not alone.