Addicted

I have a confession to make. I think I am developing a habit. It threatens to be more addictive that crack (not that I've tried crack... but you know... so I've heard). I've only done it once, but today it is all I can think about. It has consumed my whole being and all I want to do is run home and do it again.

What is this awful thing you ask?

I am addicted to the fetal doppler. Yes, that thing that they have in the doctors office that lets you hear the heartbeat of your baby. I rented one. Now I think it will need to be pried from my hands.

I thought maybe at 11w2d it would be to early to hear the heartbeat but after about 10 minutes or so of looking I stumbled upon it. And it was GLORIOUS!! Averaging about 170 beats per minute, I could have listened to it all day.

As I was sitting there, listening to it, all of the crap and the worries of this week just sort of melted away. You see, the reason I haven't posted this week, even though I have felt 100% better, was because on Tuesday we found out that Jake had been downsized. His little company had added about 100 jobs last fall anticipating huge growth but it just didn't happen. They weren't getting any bids and they had people laid off since April.

In the back of our minds we kept wondering if this was a possibility since Jake was one of the new employees and he had been laid off for a month in April, then worked for a month and then been laid off again I kept wondering how long they were going to string him along before they realized that they really weren't going to get the work to keep all of their "new" employees busy.

Finally, on Tuesday, we got the word that they had decided that they were never going to get enough work to keep everyone busy and the newest employees were the first to be cut. That, unfortunately meant Jake. So the rest of this week has been spent with worries about money, and insurance, and all that jazz. Luckily his dad has his own company and Jake is working for him. We're unsure if it is temporary or permanent at this time, since the construction industry is in sort of a slump.

However, last night, listening to that little woosh, woosh, woosh, woosh in my belly made all of those concerns just melt away. It is such a miracle that I can listen to a heartbeat inside of me that is not mine. I just can't get over it. And at that moment, I knew that no matter what, we would make this work. All that is really important is wrapped up in that wonderful sound and everything else will come as it comes.