Thursday, August 27, 2009

Thursday Thoughts

Ok, as is tradition on Thursdays we are going to talk about something that is rambling through my head. Today that something would be falling in love. I know, I know... how cliche. She just announces that she is seeing someone and now she's talking about love.

Would ya hold the rush to judgement for a moment here and hear me out? I have been dating M for a little over three months now. And while I'm not saying I'm in love with him what I am saying is I am beginning to feel a lot like Colbie Caillat's new song:

Colbie Caillat : Fallin' for you

I don’t know but
I think I maybe
Fallin’ for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting ’til I
Know you better

I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head

I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you

So, my question to all of you who have been out in the real world is how do I know? When did you know you were in love with someone? And more importantly, once you knew, how long did you wait to tell them?

My only experience with relationships is from high school and I'm pretty sure that is not going to help me here. In high school you asked someone out and then you were "going out." Pretty sure that didn't happen here so I'm already in unfamiliar territory. We count how long we've been seeing each other from our first date.

Also, in high school I was in love within the first three weeks and planning the wedding by the end of the first two months. And again... THAT is not happening.... I waited a good 10 weeks to start picking out the wedding dress. (Kidding... MOM... I'm kidding... pick yourself up off the floor.) M has not met Zack yet and won't until we get past these three little words and into a place where we are wanting to have a future together so that's not what I'm asking.

I really just want to hear your stories. How did you know you were in love with someone? Once you knew how long did you wait to tell them? Did you wait for them to tell you first? Once you told them did you expect them to feel the same way?

This is all new to me. Waking up and wanting to spend time with someone. Thinking about them during the day because I want to talk to them, not because I'm worried and need to check up on them. All of this is uncharted territory and so I'm really just wondering how it works for other people in the "real world."

So... spill....


kbreints said...

You know my story... Career bachelor - blurted out the I love and scared the piss out of him...

But I made him promise not to respond until he was ready to.

About a month later he did!

-insert happily ever after :)

Alan_Courtney said...

okay, so alan told me he loved me in a burger king parking lot 2 weeks after we started dating. He scared the crap out of me. Can't say I remember saying it to him but I know it was much much later. How did I know I loved him? Honestly, I think it was after we were married and in iowa before I truly realized I loved him. Ya know....the whole Alanonner thing. So...I'm not much help. You'll know when you can't imagine your life without that person and that thought of living your life without that person scares the crap out of you.

Jessica said...

When we fell in love?…Hmm!….

Shane told me he loved me on our first date; he told my mom he was going to marry her daughter someday on our third date. I think I was in love with the love he had for me and how I could see myself when I looked at him.

I didn’t need his love. I had previous boyfriends that loved me and I loved; I had friends and a family who loved me unconditionally. I never had that need for him to love me so I loved him first. I was solid with or without him.

Over the years….Our relationship has changed….our love has changed.

I don’t know if it is because I love him differently now or if it is because I am learning what love is for he and I. I loved him when I married him but now it terrifies me to think of my life without him. I love him first and foremost and above all else. I love all the cliché mornings, evenings, and porch rockings.

So not to answer your question…..You will just know. What and when you chose to do with that feeling is up to you.

I am stubborn and would never say it first. But that is your choice and only your choice.

Katie is right though….don’t ever say it until you are 100% sure even if he says it first, even if your relationship depends on it.

lonna said...

My story is a little different. I was 28 when I met my husband and he was 23. We spent a few months getting to know each other before we started "dating". Three months after we started dating, Ethan's dad almost died of a heart attack. Watching Ethan suffer through that sealed the deal that I loved him. I would have done anything for him to get him through that period, and I have never hurt so much in my life because someone else was hurting. That is honestly when I "knew". We didn't tell each other that we loved each other for a really long time. I was waiting for him to say it because I know that I come across as clingy and quick with that kind of stuff. He didn't say it after a long time, so I think that after 4 or 5 months I finally said it to him and I think that he said it right back. The funny thing is that I don't really remember the event. I remember all of the anxiety before the event.

Mac said...

Well here's my story. When I met my now hubby, Zack if you can believe it, I had just came out of a verbally abusive relaionship. We didn't date right away, in fact I wasn't interested right away because I was interested in his friend. When the friend was no longer available, I turned to Z. We just kind of hung out, didn't consider ourselves as anything more than friends.

One night we fell asleep watching movies. Z got up before I did and was making coffee. The smells just started to wake me up when his roommate came out and started talking about me, refering to me as Z's gf. Thinking I was asleep, Z briefly explained my situation and that he liked me and wanted to be with me, but he didn't want to push it in case I was ready. By then I was crying so I sat up and told him I was ready. (No I love you yet)

As we continued with a relationship from there, it was purely on the 'taking it slow' level. We had taken a vacation together, we were constantly staying at each other's apartments... About 6 months into it, he went on his annual guy outing with his friends. It's a 2-week event in the boondocks, no cell phones allowed. It was then that I was without him, that I realized that I needed him and loved him. About a week after he came home, I still hadn't told him. We were watching old movies and in the middle of Casablanca I paused it and started crying. I wanted to tell him so bad but was fearful of his reaction. Before I could say a word he said 'I love you too.' And we made love for the first time :) TMI I know...

After that it went super fast but I'm ok with that. We moved in together to save on money, got engaged, and were married exactly 1 year later. We just celebrated 5 years, have 2 kids, and I've never been happier. You just know. There's an extreme liking area, there's lust, but to me, love is knowing that you couldn't imagine life without him. That you want to roll over every morning and wake up to his face. Knowing that you would put your life on the line for him and never look back. That you trust him with everything in you and admire his morals. That you would want to have children with him, grow old together, and would wipe his butt if he broke both arms (been there). You will not both feel it at the very same time, but if you're ready, you need to tell him. If he rejects you for your feelings, he's not the right one!
Hope that helps!

Anonymous said...

Love doesn't scare me. We only have a lifetime to live and if we feel something wonderful?? I'm not afraid to say it. Three little words can hold so much, and yet I'm not afraid of them. I love my mom, my children, my sister, girlfriends,,,,there's so many levels. You can love having him in your life, love being treated well. You can love all those things about him, and for me, it's ok to say it. I think things like "will you marry me, will you move in with me, will you spend your life with me, will you love my child as a parent" are far more frightening to put out there. It's just love. It's ok. It's happiness for a change. Someone might not want my love, but I might still feel it. I might even shout it to the wind. Don't be afraid. Just live, fly, feel, breathe, embrace joyful moments. You are free Heather. Free to love, and live, and laugh. Don't let fear contain your spirit for another moment if you can help it.

Aunt Becky said...

You know because you just know. I'm sorry, I wish I had more words. But I just knew.

Bree said...

I agree with Aunt Becky. You just know. It isn't the same for everyone. Just make sure you love him for him and not because he is not Jake.

erica said...

Andrew and i had a conversation about 3-4 months into our friendship/relationship (we had been friends for around 6 months prior than dating) and he shared he loved me as a friend but that there are varying degrees of love--- family, lover, God, friends etc. So, we started out with friendship love... he told me he loved me which stressed me/comforted me. Our relationship was very rocky for about5-6 months due to many outside factors. But ultimately there was a draw that kept me coming back to him... and that draw happened to be love. But I can honestly say that I have fallen more in love with my husband after being married to him.

Jessica said...

Amen Erica!

I thought I was in sane when I realized that was how I was feeling. Like it would be cliche to say.
But I do....I love this man that stands before me more today than I ever could have imagined prior to marriage.

It's amazing!

LivingLifeBackwards said...

As soon as Chris and I reconnected after high school... that night we met up for drinks, I knew. So did he.
I am going to say this, I too think you maybe falling for what M is not... and while looking through the glass window it seems you fall for men fast and hard. You're going to do what ever you want though. I always fell for men fast and hard too.