Growing Up

Today is Zack's last day in the baby room. We officially got "the note" last night that told us that on Monday he would be moving up to the one year old room.

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I am SOOO not ready for this!!

It almost makes me want to cry. He loves the teachers in his room and he gets so excited when we get to daycare because he knows he is going to play. I really hope that he enjoys his new room just as much as his old room.

His girlfriend is in there. (She was always kissing him when she was in his room.) And on the 7th his best friend will also be moving into that room so hopefully we will not have any "downer" days. I really don't think I could handle tax season AND a bout of separation anxiety!!

I fear my little heart would just not be strong enough and I might be forced to do something dumb like blow off my job and then you all could come visit me in the van that we would be living in down by the river!! :-)

Happy Birthday!!

Today is Jake's 27th Birthday!! (I know... I robbed the cradle)

Happy Birthday Jake!! We are more proud of you than you will ever know!! You are doing such a wonderful job with your sobriety and you have now become the fantastic father I always knew you could be!!

We love you!! Have a great Birthday!!

Merry F***ing Christmas

I'm using a phrase my father used last night. Of course he was referring to something my mother and him did the night before which made me stick my fingers in my ears and go la la la.... but that's not the point....... (Yeah... my parents share WAY too much!!)

Anyhow the point is, love my family, love Jake's family, glad it's over!! There never fails to be a certain amount of drama when you pack that many relatives into that short of a time period. People are stressed, they have gotten very little sleep and there are invariably underlying issues that may have been something you said to so and so at someone else's wedding 2 years ago that tend to cause some tension.

So... how did your holiday go? Smooth sailing or glad it's over??

Misunderstood

The other day I used the word wrath in a post and someone I know was deeply offended by it. I didn't mean to offend them with the use of that word. To me, I use that word all the time in a casual way. If you look back to May 17th, I used it in a post to describe my son. (I'm not linking to it because it's late and I'm tired... just go there if you want to see it)

Anyhow, this got me to thinking about how to some people a word can be very offensive where as to others it does not have the same meaning.

Take for instance "Shut Up." When I was growing up if I said that to my sister it was cause to get soap put in my mouth. However, I know other families where that word is used every day in the place of be quiet with never a second thought.

So, what are your trigger words? What things do other people say that they think are no big deal but you find rude or offensive? Are you able to look past the fact that it may just be you who has a problem with that word or are you always offended every time someone uses it?

9 Months

Today is Jake's nine month sobriety birthday!! On March 20th, 2007 our lives changed forever when they pulled him out of that hotel room. (We count from the 21st since that was his first day sober)

I called my mom and told her to put a candle in his lunch!! :-)

Happy nine month birthday Jake!! We are ALL so proud of how far you've come!!

Unexpected Surprises

On my coffee table are two Christmas presents. They are wrapped and they are for me. In eleven years I have never, not once, gotten a Christmas present that I didn't either pick out or gotten nothing at all.

I think this year is looking up, perhaps we can end one of the worst years on record on a positive note!! :-)

Situation

I have had a recent situation in my life which has caused me to ponder a few things over the last couple of days. And since I am pondering them... ya'll can ponder them with me.

First pondering:

Why is it, as a society if something can be taken two different ways we AUTOMATICALLY assume it was meant the worse of the two ways? What ever happened to giving people the benefit of the doubt? Whenever I say something to Jake it appears as if he ALWAYS picks the worse of the two ways. Even though I normally mean the better of the two ways. (And I'm not just saying that because I want to sound good, really, I usually do. And if I don't, I'm going to tell him I don't.)

However, this doesn't just happen between Jake and I. It seems to happen in my writing also. For instance if I write the following paragraph:

Jill is a lovely girl. She is so pretty and really sweet. However, tonight when we were out she really bit the head off of this waiter. We were with my other friend and after Jill left she mentioned to me that she thought Jill was kind of a jerk. I tried to explain to her that it was sort of out of character for Jill but I could understand how she could get the wrong idea.

Now, reading that, what did you take away from it? Me, I take away that I have a good friend who apparently had a bad day and gave someone the wrong impression of her. However, some of the people in my life would take that as I am bashing Jill. And should Jill stumble upon it she would automatically assume that I hate her, even though that is not at all what I meant.

Why is that? I write a lot of things on this blog and depending on my mood they may come off sounding not at all how I meant them. However, you would think, at a bare minimum, the people who know me in real life would know what I meant or at least be willing to ask me.

Which brings me to point of ponderance number two:

You read something on some one's blog. You happen to know this person in real life and you also know the other person that they are writing about. You think that what the blog owner said was not nice. Do you:

a) write the blog owner and e-mail and ask them about it or call them on the telephone and ask them why they had written something about someone else you know.

or

b) Immediately go to the person they were writing about and tell them that the blog owner is writing mean things about them?? Which really only serves to hurt the person who was written about and then causes several hours of worry on the blog owners part because what they wrote was interpreted wrong and now they have to figure out how to "fix" the situation.

Obviously the majority of society will pick b, since that appears to be the way it usually happens with Dooce. If you have ever read some of her hate mail it seems to indicate that people jump first and ask questions later. And usually, people assume the worst. Why is that? Are we really living in a society where no one can just be a good person and have an off day? Do we really all have to assume the worst about one another?

For future reference there is a button over there, it says e-mail me. If I write something that you don't like click on it and ask me what I meant before assuming it was how you took it. Also, if I write something and it can be taken one of two ways, assume it was the better of the two ways. Especially if you are not going to e-mail me to ask about it!!

Silence is Golden

Do you know if you sit still and do nothing long enough you just might figure out what it is you want to do with your life?

In Al-anon we have a saying: "Don't just do something, sit there." It reminds us that sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all. When your addict or alcoholic is using sometimes doing something only makes the situation worse and the best thing to do is really to keep your mouth shut.

In a way that's where I've been the last couple of weeks. Sitting still. Tax season is coming and I am really struggling this year. When I think about working long hours and being away from my son it makes me want to cry. Seriously... I'm tearing up as I write this.

Every single day he does something new and wonderful and I'm going to miss it. And I HATE that!! I always swore that I would never put a job before my children and here I am doing it. At this point I don't really have a choice. I could cut back my hours at work but to do that would mean taking a pay cut and we can't afford that right now. As it is we are still not back to taking on 100% of our financial responsibilities.

So, during the days I've been trying to make the most of my time at work. Get everything caught up that I can so that I'm not behind. I've been working through lunch and trying to stay 15 minutes late and come in 15 minutes early.

Then, in the evenings, instead of logging onto the computer to see what all of you are doing I am taking the extra time to read stories and sing silly songs. To take pictures and videos and to soak in every single waking moment of oohie gooie baby goodness. Perhaps I'm hoping I can build up a reserve kind of like a camel so I won't wither away in the next three and a half months.

MIA

Sorry to just leave you all hanging like that. We are fine. Jake is fine, I am fine, Zack is fine (except for the ear infection we are dealing with... AGAIN!!), and as far as I know nothing in our house has spontaneously combusted...

However, I guess I just blew my writing streak all to hell didn't I?

Oh well. I think perhaps I just needed to take some time to do some other things besides this website. I had Christmas letters to be written, and envelopes to be stuffed. I only have about 15-20 more to mail out.

I also have been trying to get the pictures in order for Zack's video. I'm running out of time and I need to get my butt in gear on that one.

On top of that, I'm up to my eyeballs in receipts and product ID numbers for this Microsoft lawsuit. The paperwork is due on Friday and I'm out of the office tomorrow so I'm trying to get it finished up today. I have spent the last two days digging through old paid invoices and all of our records trying to get proof of our purchases.

I'm on the home stretch now so hopefully in the next day or so I will reclaim my life and get back to posting regularly. Until then... eat something chocolate for me will ya??

Much Needed Break

Ok so maybe a day off turned into two or three.... it was a MUCH needed break!! Friday was a REALLY long day. Things between Jake and I have been tense. He has reverted to some of his old behaviors and I'm not 100% sure why.

I can only guess that it is stress and worry about his dad's situation on top of worrying about an assignment he is supposed to be doing for his sponsor that he is putting off. Whatever it is it has caused him to act very depressed. All last week he was tired and seemed uninterested in what was going on at home. On top of that he was angry all the time and just very unpleasant to be around.

It all came to a head on Friday when we got into a huge argument on the phone. You know as much as I have been working on it, I still very much let his mood affect my mood some times and Friday was one of those days.

Luckily Friday night he talked to his sponsor before their meeting and then a little bit after their meeting and has seemed to be acting and feeling much better this weekend. Hopefully with a few more heart to hearts with him things will continue to improve.

In the mean time I have been reading a lot of my literature and am hoping to find the key to letting his moods be his moods and not letting them ruin my days.

Oh yeah, and the heavenly massage that Jess and I went and got on Saturday didn't hurt things either!! :-)

Taking a day off....

I think the title pretty much sums it up. I had a better, but very busy day today. Now... I'm just in the mood to sit back and relax. I have been posting every day for over a month and I'm tired. Tomorrow I will try to come up with something incredibly mind blowing to get you through the weekend.

Like perhaps how much I HATE all of this snow...

See ya then!!

Post for Tomorrow

I have half of a post written in my head. However, it is now 8:00 and I just want to go to bed. The S.A.D. is hitting me. But more than that I think it's the addiction after affects. See that's the part they don't tell you about. You might get rid of the alcoholic but you are still left with the ick.

In the program they call this dry drunk periods. Between those and me trying to find my way in my own program I'm just tired. Overwhelmed and tired.

So for tonight I am going to lay down, watch a little Deal or no Deal and go to sleep. Tomorrow I will try to put into words what I am feeling right now. As a woman said in my meeting last night the feelings are there, the words are not.

Things that bring you here...

I have seen lots of people do this but have never really attempted to do it myself as I don't usually have very many hits from people who just stumble upon this website. However...

Recently I have been getting several more google hits so I thought I would try it today. Here are the ones from the last week...

Bouncing leg + nervous - actually I'm doing that right now. Although I don't think I'm really nervous about anything. I think I just do it. My dad used to do it, I do it without thinking about it. The only time when I didn't was when I was pregnant. I couldn't cross my legs effectively... in fact I'm not sure my one leg even knew there was another leg... so that sort of cut down on the leg bouncing.

Nervous Habits - Do we see a trend here?? I am hit number nine when you google nervous habits. NINE?? Really? Is there no one out there who can provide more information than this post??

Police Department Answering Machine - I am actually really surprised by the amount of hits i get for this. I posted it TWO years ago. Yet on a google search I am hit number 4... how is that possible??

Funny police automated answering machine - I'm number 3 when you search this way....

Ovulation stick what are they - There are MANY more people who have used MANY more of these than me... how did I get to be number 3??

will it be a snow day tomorrow in hamilton - I do not know. Where is Hamilton? Was it a snow day? I'm curious now...

"family circus" wrapping paper - This person must have really been disappointed to get my site as hit number one and another one called Armstrong Family Circus as number three... DAMN BLOGGERS!!

hot dog hallway - Now this is a hit I get at least once or twice a week. It stems back to a post I wrote a long while ago. One that still makes me laugh. Apparently this is also a song because there are lyrics listed. Although from what I know of this phrase I'm not sure it is a song that would be played on the radio....

Crib Assembly - Really? My website? Are you sure... it didn't go so well if you remember right... perhaps you need to keep looking

So... what brought you here??

Owie!!

Yesterday I went shopping with my mom. On our way home we stopped by the pasture down the road from me to feed the horses. As I stepped out of he vehicle I slid a few inches and commented to her wow... it's kind of slick I better make sure I don't fall.

Then, according to my mom, I took two steps and promptly disappeared out of site. I don't remember how I fell, I just know it hurt and I have the bruises to prove it. My left hip, leg and arm are all telling me today that I should be more careful on the ice.

As I laid there trying to assess whether I was alive or not I kept wondering why my mom didn't get out of the vehicle. Her answer, it was cold out there and she was just hoping I would get up on my own. When I didn't get right up she rolled down the window to ask if I was ok through her laughter.

Gee thanks mom!! Love you too!!

To Cater or Not to Cater?

Ok guys. I need your assvice again. This parenting thing is tough work and so I once again and calling on the collective wisdom of all of you in blogger land.

Zack is becoming picky. Like REALLY picky. I don't know if his ears are bothering him, his teeth are bothering him or he has just decided that it is really fun to drive mommy over the edge but really, I'm not sure I can continue like this.

All weekend it has been nothing but hitting the spoon causing the food to fly across the kitchen and then screaming. Oh heaven help me the screaming.....

However, put the tray on the highchair and give him a few goldfish and he is all over it. Honestly, I thought this phase came when he was like two. He's not even one yet!!

So here's my question... what the hell do I do?? He's only 11 months. Isn't that too young to play the if you don't eat it you can go hungry game? However, it's not like he's doing this with unfamiliar foods. It is really all types of foods. Today he refused Mac & Cheese which he ate at my mom's and loved. Then for dinner he refused Ravioli which he had eaten last week and loved.

I got so frustrated I just put the mac & Cheese on his tray thinking maybe he just wanted to do it himself. This resulted in much mess and not much eating. Let's just say there was a bath involved.

So please... what do I do? Do I keep just giving him whatever he will eat or is he old enough to "go to bed hungry?" I don't want to end up being a short order cook to an 11 month old but at the same time I don't want to leave him hungry if he's not going to learn a lesson from it.

As always thank you in advance and feel free to comment anonymously if you think your opinion may cause controversy and you don't want to be "picked on."

Because no one ever said I was smart...

So, NaBloPoMo is now officially over, and because I apparently didn't have enough punishment I have decided to participate in Holidailies. Same plan, different month. So just when you thought you were going to get rid of me....

Today is the first day. The only difference is that there are no prizes so if I miss a day I do not have to spend my 11:45 at night stressing and then running downstairs to post something, just ANYTHING because people... I NEED a prize!! (Not that I won one ANYWAY... but that's a whole different rant...)

So, here I am... again. Every day...

For those of you who are wondering, we did make it to our picture appointment today. The roads actually weren't that bad. Too bad because the place was PACKED!! Tons of children crying, running around, screaming, you get the point. LOTS of holiday pictures.

I will upload the pictures on Monday when I get to work because it takes 45 minutes to upload a single picture from here. They turned out pretty well. I wanted a picture for our holiday card and then a family picture for us. I got that plus a couple more. What can I say... I'm a sucker for my son's ADORABLE pictures.

So... I guess I'll see you tomorrow... and the day after that... and, well... you get the point.

Great Timing

Our family picture appointment for our Christmas card is tomorrow at 4:10 PM. It is at a picture studio that I took Zack to for his 9 month pictures and really liked. A studio which books up a month in advance.

This... Forecasters predict ice storm possible...

Is apparently also booked for tomorrow all day.

Great timing huh??

Digging through the past

This is going to be short. It's after 10:00 and I'm just getting home. I haven't eaten so the bag of Cheetos is sitting next to me. (Yes Cheetos are a dinner food.)

I went over to Jake's dad's house tonight to pick up what I thought was one or two things that were left over from when he lived there. I was wrong. VERY, VERY wrong. I am looking at six boxes of toys and a little rocking chair. And that is not counting the trunk and other box that his sister took to go through because it contains both of their things.

Jake had a meeting so I went alone, as I said just expecting to pick up a couple of things. After we were finished loading the truck I sat down to talk with Jake's dad about some things.

Perhaps tomorrow I will actually get to work on Zack's pictures... oh wait... nope. Meeting tomorrow night. Maybe Saturday in the... gulp..... snow storm?? (More on that tomorrow....)

S.A.D.

The days are getting shorter and the nights are getting longer and as the darkness settles in I find my mood getting darker along with it. I suppose some could call it Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) but seeing as how I am a person who is grossly opposed to labels and medicines for such labels, I choose to just call it a funk.

If I really examine it I'm guessing that this year my "funk" has more to do with the fact that tax season is quickly approaching and less to do with the actual changing of the seasons. Zack is soon to be a year old (I tear up just writing that) and I'm going into my busiest time.

I'm going to have to begin working 60 hours per week which means that I am going to be missing all of those little moments that I love so much. Even though it's only for three and a half months it still makes me a little sad.

We need my salary. I have yet to find something that I like as much with better hours and the same pay. I love my job but at times like this I really wish we could afford for me to do something different. Something 8:30 - 3:30ish perhaps??

And so it begins...

I knew this day would come, I had just hoped it would be further down the road. Today the deputy that was investigating Jake before he left found out that he is back in town.

This weekend a trailer was stolen from the mobile home park where Jake works. I don't know what kind of trailer, possibly one to haul a car or a tool type trailer. Anyhow, the type isn't important. What is important is that before Jake left there was a trailer in our garage. A trailer which most likely was stolen and this was the detective that investigated said trailer.

So he called to the mobile home park and spoke with Jake and the first words out of his mouth were did you have anything to do with this? Followed by did you tell any of your "friends" about where a trailer might be found?

Jake handled himself well. He was respectful and told him that he was active in AA and did not speak to any of those people any more. HOWEVER... he is still a little freaked out. This man told me that he had some things on Jake, possibly not enough to charge him, but that if Jake kept his nose clean he would not charge him. Jake's biggest fear is that even though he is doing good something like this will come along and they will try to pin it on him because of his past.

I told him not to worry about it. He was with me, or with our friends all weekend so he has nothing to worry about. I have no doubt that he was not involved. (Which is saying a lot because in the past he would have been the first person I suspected.)

However, this has carried over into his attitude this evening. He was pissed off tonight and almost didn't go to the meeting because I tried to pick up a clean plate that he was going to use because it was sitting on the counter with the dirty plates. (Yes that really is the whole story, yes I know he was pissed about something else and he just took it out on me.)

Anyhow, I know that Jake has done nothing to cause this I just really wish he could have had a few more months to prove himself before he had to be judged by the one man who may have the power to "make or break" his job, his freedom, and his life.