Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Insurance Gamble

Four months ago Jake and I took the insurance gamble. It is that point at which one person switches jobs and they are told you will not be eligible for insurance for 6 months. So, we did an analysis. Prescriptions $65 per month, Major Medical $125, COBRA $205.

Can you guess which one we choose? Yesterday I discovered why I don't gamble. I should ALWAYS take the safe bet, even if it costs more money. Keep reminding me of that will ya?? In all fairness, I had PLANNED on getting the major medical insurance. I got the forms, but never got around to filling them out. Now, I'm kicking myself.

It was around 11:30 when my phone rang. It was Jake, no big deal. Until this comes out of his mouth:

"Do I have temporary insurance?"

"No...... why??......."

"Um, I just cut my finger, and I think I'm going to need stitches."

Me, the terrible wife is running through scenarios in my head. Can he just tape it? Will that be good enough? What if I buy some of that new skin stuff? Can I make it good enough?

"So, how bad is it?"

"Well it's pretty deep."

So, off to the emergency walk in clinic he goes. He ended up needing four stitches, probably more than my taping and new skinning would have fixed. I have yet to see the bill for this un-insured visit, but I have the feeling that the money we would have spent on insurance is going to go for that bill.

Breakfast of Champions

Sour Cream & Onion Lays...

So, there are food groups there right?



Look, two vegatables in one sitting!! Yeah for me!!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Nervous Habit?

I am always fidgeting with something. Any time someone asks me to come to their desk so they can ask me a question I automatically look around my desk for something to carry with me. A highlighter, an eraser, a binder clip, a pen. Always something. I almost have a mild panic attack if I can't find something quick enough to carry with me.

At any given point in the day you can walk up behind me and I will either be messing with something with my hands or I will have something in my mouth. Okay, mostly I just put things in my front teeth, again binder clips the ends of pens, etc. (Much to my husbands dismay this mouth thing does not carry on into my personal life ;-)

Every once in awhile I will be messing with a binder clip and I will pinch my finger. It is at this point that I chuck it across my desk swearing that I will stop fidgeting with things. However, inevitably within a few minutes I will have picked up something else.

In my line of work this can actually be quite distracting as I have to frequently put things down or in my mouth to type.

Do you think the mouth thing is because I wasn't nursed as a child?? (See mom, you managed to scar me for life!!) What about the fidgeting thing? What habits do you have that you have NO idea where you picked up?

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Decisions, Decisions...

The nurse just called me and said that the doctors recommendation was to start Provera and then 100 mg of Clomid. I'm hesitant. What if I ovulate late? Maybe it's just not my time yet. On the other hand, if I don't ovulate at all then I'm two weeks behind where I would have been. Hmmm... two weeks, I think I can handle two weeks.

Here's the part I'm really having trouble with.... tax season. Any conception that occurs between now and the end of July will invariably find me missing some portion of tax season. We are a small firm, so the others could not pick up the slack for me being gone, they would have to hire someone part time.

This is tearing at me. The stress of trying to get pregnant is not going to kill me, it's going to be the stress of trying to deal with telling my boss I'll be gone during tax season. (Yes, I know I'm supposed to be relaxing!!)

Now to most of you this might not seem like a big deal but to me, it's HUGE. I LOVE my job.

Maybe I didn't make that clear enough. I LOVE my job!! Love like I could never imagine myself doing anything else. So the thought of possibly jeopardizing it really scares the shit out of me. When we started trying we always said, we would plan it around tax season the first year, but if it didn't happen all bets were off.

So, why am I having such a hard time with it now that it might be a reality?

Monday, February 20, 2006

The Long Road to Nowhere

Put on your comfy sweats and settle in people... this is going to be a LONG post... And for those of you who have an aversion to womanly topics, you might want to skip this one. I tend to ramble a little and do use the word Period, quite frequently.

Okay internet, I have a confession to make. I have been keeping a secret from you. And trust me, I am not the type to keep secrets. For 21 days I have been wanting to post about this but I have yet to find the right words.

Hold up... I just got a flash back to Sandra Bullock in 28 days. No, I'm not in rehab... there that myth dispelled, moving on....

Eleven days ago my sister-in-law had a baby. He's adorable. (No, I'm not going to post pictures. Sorry, but he's not mine to post pictures of. I don't mind posting pictures of adults, but I won't post them of children without prior parental consent. Sorry... them's the rules.)

Anyhow, I'm stalling, can you tell? So, eleven days ago this little boy was brought into this world and I can't look at him. Every time I see his picture it hurts. It hurts in every fiber of my being. I did not have any idea the ache I could feel until now.

Ever since I was little I knew I wanted children. I was one of those people who just thought, I'll grow up, get married and then have babies. So, I had a plan. Two years ago we got married, and then we thought, we'll wait at least a year to start trying. After a year, we thought, hmm... let's give it another year, plan around tax season and get a few more things paid off.

So, here we are, almost two and a half years later and people, I don't ovulate. Up until this point, I had tried to convince myself that maybe it was normal. Some times it takes people a year to get pregnant. I tried to ignore the fact that my periods were, as my doctor puts it, "not normal." Hey, nothing about me has ever been normal, so why should this.

When we first went off birth control my first period came at 28 days, just like clockwork. The second month 28 days came and went and we thought... "It worked, we're pregnant!!" (I know delusional aren't I?) I think it was in that 5th week, when all the pregnancy tests kept coming back negative that I knew something wasn't normal. Finally on day 35 I started.

At this point, I talked with our family physician. She said that to some people, 35 days is normal, and since I was just two months off the pill my body was still trying to figure its self out. Yet, in the back of my mind, I new something just wasn't right. The next month was 37, then 46 and finally 43. It was on that day 43, January 31st when I had my appointment with my doctor.

I have to digress here for just a brief moment. Some of you may remember this post, where I said that there has always been a possibility that we couldn't have children, but I was okay with that. What has changed you ask? Nothing really, I just think that with anything there is always a grieving period. It is not that we are SOO dead set on having biological children that we blocked everything out of our minds. It just feels like, for us, the logical step at this point is to try the minimally evasive treatments first and then make the big decisions later. Also, as I said before, thinking you can't have biological children and being told that you are not ovulating are two very different things. Before it was just a concept, now it is a reality. And I'm having a little trouble dealing with the reality, that's all.

During my appointment he basically told me that given my irregularity there was a high probability that I was not ovulating and even if I was Jake and I would have to be going at it like rabbits for 6 weeks straight to have a chance of catching the right time. Now as appealing as that sounds to my husband I do need to sleep SOMETIME!!

So, on February 2nd I started down that long infertility road with my first dose of Clomid. Like a little school girl, I was giddy with excitement. I thought for certain that this would work. I was convinced in 28 days I would be staring at two pink lines. In fact, that's the reason I did not write about it.

I was so certain that we would be pregnant, and then I would just feel stupid for writing about "infertility" when I wasn't infertile at all. Then, today came. Today was day 21. Now as all of you who have ever been on Clomid know, day 21 is the day of reckoning. This is the day you have your blood drawn and they tell you what your progesterone level is. This basically tells you whether you ovulated or not.

Mine was a not. At 4:30 this afternoon the nurse practitioner called to give me the news. "Well, your progesterone level was a little low. Your level was 0.4. We normally like it to be above 10." A little low? Lady that sounds sub-zero to me!!

So, here I sit, having done absolutely NO work since she called and wallowing in my own self-pity. I don't want my sister-in-law to feel bad about sending me pictures of Jackson, I want to see him. I'm SOO happy for her. However, that said, it is just SOO damn hard to be surrounded by all of these fertile women. Three of my good friends have all had babies within the last year and a half and all of them got pregnant on their first try.

When I walk through the skywalks downtown I find myself drawn to all of the pregnant women. I keep wondering in the back of my mind, did they have troubles? I just feel like I'm in a fog. Like no one understands what is going through my mind. After all, as much as I love my friends, they are not exactly "experienced" in this area.

Do you know how tired I am of hearing people tell me to just relax? Relax and it will happen. I'm sure any of you who have struggled with infertility have heard the same thing. Where do people come up with this? Is there some unwritten rule that says if you come across a women who tells you that she is having fertility problems, tell her to relax? Well, let me tell you, it doesn't work. My most relaxed, carefree months got me 46 and 43 days respectively.

So where do we go from here? Well, now there is more waiting. The doctor will be in the office tomorrow and then he, or his nurse most likely, will call me and tell me if they want to do more tests, or start another higher dose of Clomid. Then there is more waiting for my period to start. I'm hoping not another three weeks, however I am crossing my fingers that perhaps within the time that I am waiting my body will miraculously wake it's self up and I will ovulate.

Hey, a girl can dream can't she?

Friday, February 17, 2006


This morning when the alarm went off, instead of hitting snooze oh... 8 times, I decided to get up. After I got out of the shower I went upstairs to wake up Jake.

(Keep in mind, I'm wearing underwear, and have a towel over my shoulders, that's it....)

"Jake it's time to get up."

He opens his eyes and looks at me. In all seriousness, "Where have you been?"

"Oh, I went to the market."


This has been one of those weeks!! It started out all nice and clam and then came around and smacked me in the ass at the end.

First of all, I think mother nature and I might be due for another one of our talks. On Tuesday it was 60 degrees, and yesterday, we had thunder snow. (I'm not 100% sure what this is, but the meteorologist explained it sort of like a thunder storm, but with snow.) Today is looking like it will be a whopping 10 degrees!! (With a -10 degree wind-chill of course). I wish that she could just MAKE UP HER MIND already!! Is it going to be winter or is it going to be spring?? She's worse than me when I'm trying to decide pizza or burger king!!

Besides the crazy weather, I've been in and out of the office A LOT this week and that really cuts into my blogging time. Usually I try to either get in early and blog then, or eat at my desk and check blogs. However, when I'm out of the office and have NO internet connection, neither gets done. As you may have noticed by the lingering Valentine's post.

My excuse? I was SOO proud of him for being early and getting me something good, I didn't want to take it down after just one day. Yeah, that'll work.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day!!

I know that it may not look like much, but trust me, it is. For nine years my husband has consistantly brought me a flower (whatever's left over) and a card. Both of which were purchased on his way home from work on Valentines Day.

So, for him to go out and get me something a whole DAY before and for it not to be a flower is a BIG deal to me.

As far as I'm concerned, this little guy might as well be a dozen roses and a pair of diamond earrings!!

Creative Gene

Here's the problem: you pull into the driveway and notice that the garbage can is lying at the end, waiting to be taken up to the house. How do you get you, your vehicle, and the garbage can to the house?
Ahhh... for those of you who answered drive the vehicle into the driveway, park it and then walk to the end of the driveway and retrieve the garbage can, you loose points for no creativity.
According to Jake... this is how you solve this problem...

I wonder to myself, will my children inherit this creative thinking gene??

Monday, February 13, 2006

Logical Reasoning

"Why did you tie the garbage bag but not take it out of the garbage can?"

"It's cold outside, and I don't have a coat. Plus I'm watching a movie."

"But you tied it on Friday!! How am I supposed to throw anything away?"

"I put a plastic sack on top of the stove. I figure that we will not fill an entire other garbage bag before Monday so I'm conserving. Tomorrow I will take out the garbage bag and the plastic sack and we will start fresh with a new garbage bag."

I just shake my head. His logic is undeniable. (Isn't that what it says in IRobot?)

Sunday, February 12, 2006

That will Teach Me to Leave Town!!

Holy Hell!! Apparently while I've been away all has gone to hell in a hand basket in the blogger world. I've missed it, but I've spent the last hour or so attempting to get caught up. The jest of it, or what I can figure out is that this person created a blog where they nominate fellow bloggers for awards. Only these are not your usual best blogger awards. These awards were nasty in character and attacked several of the bloggers that I read, (i.e. Karen, Tertia, & Julie) and also some that I don't (Jo, Julia).

What really floors me about this is what makes her think she has the right to judge these people? They are writing about their lives, not hers. Why should she pass judgment and try to tear them down? These women are great, from what I read on their blogs, and I look up to and aspire to one day be as popular as them. I don't understand why we as a society always feel that we need to tear others to pieces in order make ourselves feel better?

I now know why people sensor what they put on their blogs. Jake and I have been having some "conception" issues and I have agonized about whether to post about them or not. I have not yet gotten the courage to write about them, and things like this make me wonder whether I ever will. It just feels like a perpetual highschool drama to me, and people, I graduated and ran from that place as fast as I could for a reason. I have NO desire to go back!!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

It's a BOY!!

Oh wait... we already knew that!! Molly's water broke last night around 11:00 so she was in labor all night. She said she was doing well, she had to be stitched up and was tired but all in all, she's a mom, so that makes everything better.

He was born around 11:00 am their time. (I know... I'm awful, I didn't get the exact time!!)

7 lbs. 12 oz.
21 inches long

AND... his name is.....

Jackson Clete


Well, no baby yet. Molly called back to the hospital and was delayed again. They eventually ended up telling her that she could come in at 10:00 last night, or first thing this morning. Since she had not eaten, and her mom and Grandma were scheduled to arrive in Idaho last night she choose this morning.

SOO... we are crossing our fingers that they do not put her off any longer and hopefully by this evening she will have a healthy son. And we (of course it's all about us) will know the name!!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Baby Wednesday

UPDATE: 1:12 pm

We just found out that they are inducing Jake's sister today!!

Molly is 40 weeks 4 days and is beginning to retain water so they have decided that it is time. She is having a boy, but they won't tell anyone what the name is, so we are very excited to hear!!

UPDATE: I just talked to Jake's dad and he tells me that she has been pushed back. Apparently there were two people having babies this morning and Idaho hospitals must not be equipped for more than that!! :-) They told her to call at noon, which is right about now. So... at this rate it could be baby Thursday!!

Monday, February 06, 2006

Bearded Monday

Okay, it is time for the age old question... to beard or not to beard?? I present for your inspection:


No Beard

I, personally am a no beard kind of girl. I don't like the way it looks and I don't like the way it feels when he goes to kiss me. However, I know that there are some out there, who just LOVE their man to have the rugged look. So, here's your chance to put in your two cents worth.

Do you like your men with, or without facial hair? And of course... why (this is an open site, feel free to post ANY reasons you feel necessary.) If you are a man and you don't have a man of your own (hey, we support a diverse readership here :-) Then tell me if you prefer a beard on yourself. And if so, why?

Friday, February 03, 2006

Creative Cleaning

Welcome to another episode of creative cleaning with Jake!!

Wednesday night when I got home I asked Jake where the paper plate holders were. To which he replied, "I washed them." And then he started to laugh.

As I opened up the dishwasher this is what greeted me.....

If you will look closely you will see that on the top rack we have (in no particular order) A cookie sheet, two coffee cups, a two glasses, the spoon holder from the stove and a sponge....

Yes, that's right, a sponge. When I asked him why he washed the sponge off the mop instead of just throwing it away and replacing it with the new one that is under the sink he replied, "Because I'm cheap." To which I began to laugh hysterically!! This is the man that can go into a gas station to buy a pop and come out with $10 worth of candy and crap!!

Now, on the bottom rack there was another cookie sheet (this one blocked the flow of water to the top rack so nothing up there really got clean), the paper plate holders, a pair of scissors, a can opener, a few odds and ends, and my personal favorite... the sink rack that we used to dry dishes in.

When I asked about this one his reply was, "It was dingy!! There's bacteria there you know!!"

Of course !! Why didn't I think of that??

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Lag Time

Dear Cousin of Mine:
I promise, I did not forget you when I sent out my Christmas Letters. Perhaps because your other three brothers got letters and you did not you thought that you had offended me. Rest easy, it is just the postal service at it's finest!!


On Monday when I got home, this was in my mail box. Click on the picture to enlarge it if you can not read the post mark.

Yes, that really does say DECEMBER 19th. It amazes me that it could take over a month to send this to California, realize he had moved and send it back. Perhaps it is this same working environment that causes people to do this!!

The Jeep

I think I'm going to cry. No really this just SUCKS!! I talked to the repair guy just now (actually he called and left a message on Jake's cell phone this morning but it is dead because he didn't put in on the charger like I told him to and the guy didn't have any other number because Jake INSISTED that he would answer... story for another day) and apparently the radiator was the problem that blew the head gasket.

SOO... if they put it all back together then it will probably happen again. To prevent this it will cost us ANOTHER $300!! Our grand total is now up to $1,300 people. I'm thinking this vacation thing is definitely looking like a long shot. AND, to top it all off, my friend who works at the car dealership told me that the mechanic told her that the jeep is not in very good shape to begin with and that he wouldn't sink a bunch more money into it, he would just get rid of it.

How the hell are we supposed to do that? We just bought it in April!! We have a four year loan on it!! Let me repeat... WE STILL OWE MONEY!!

(Please people, no wise cracks about how we shouldn't have bought a jeep, I have one and I love it. Not to mention... I'm low enough all ready, don't make it worse!!)