Tuesday, November 06, 2007

I Know You Won't

I know you don't mean to be mean to me
'Cause when you want to you can make me feel like belong
We belong
Lately you make me feel all I am is a back-up plan
I say I'm done and then you smile at me and I forget
Everything I said

I buy into those eyes
And into your lies

You say you'll call, but I know you
You say you're coming home, but I know you
You say you'll call, but I know you won't
You say you'll call, but I know you won't

I wish you were where you're supposed to be
Close to me
But here I am just starring at this candle burning out

And still no sound

Of footsteps on my stairs
Or your voice anywhere

You say you'll call, but I know you
You say you're coming home, but I know you
You say you'll call, but I know you won't
You say you'll call, but I know you won't


You say you'll call, but I know you
You say you're coming home, but I know you
You say you'll call, but I know you won't
You say you'll call, but I know you won't


--Carrie Underwood Song

It is amazing to me how easy it is to bring back a flood of emotions. I can be going along my normal way and then the song I put up yesterday and this song today can be played and all of the sudden I'm right back where I was.

I have a meeting tonight. I think I need a meeting tonight. Jake has been irritable and moody for the last two or three days. I think the time change has gotten him into a funk. On top of that Zack has also been moody and irritable because of his double ear infection. Oh yes... I did say double ear infection and yes, we did just do this a month ago. Don't remind me.

Anyhow, I find it strange how just one song can bring all of those feelings back. It takes me right back to that place where I was a year ago. With the time change all of that has already come back to me. I am remembering last year, being very pregnant and very much alone. Calling him and calling him and always thinking that this promise would be the one.

This time he said he was coming home... he will be here.

And waiting and waiting and worrying and wondering and trying to sleep but never knowing if he was alive or dead. This song embodies all of that. The waiting the wondering and the knowledge in the back of my mind that just because he says it doesn't mean it will happen.

The knowledge that you have tried to push out of your mind because THIS time was going to be different and perhaps he's just late at work, perhaps his car broke down, perhaps... perhaps... perhaps....

3 comments:

KK's Mom said...

Hi Heather,
This is a beautiful post. Sad, but still beautiful. Have a good meeting tonight...I'm thinking about you.
Sharon

Kbreints said...

Songs always get to me. They also have special meanings and certain songs bring me back to times in my life.

stella said...

Exactly. My whole life is a series of songs. They remind me of good times and they remind me of difficult times. When I am reminded of the difficult times, I always try to focus on the fact that by taking it one day at a time, I survived to see better days. And I wonder.... how did I ever get through it? You just do. Heather, you are doing great to face these difficult emotions. And going to meetings is a good thing. They have walked in your shoes and they will guide you through these emotions. All will be ok. Know that in the future, whenever these songs remind you of these times, the hurt will still be there, it just won't be so painful.